These pretzels are makin' me thirsty

Pai Gow and the Earl of Sandwich = Epic Nights

2011-03-31T16:30:00.030-05:00

Life's been good to me so far. I feel like I've been blessed in my time here on Earth. I've been through some good, some bad, and some ugly. This last weekend (and by last weekend, I mean some weekend in December) was a combination of all of those, yet the end result was nothing but another grand adventure. Going to Vegas usually has that effect on a weekend. As fantastic of a time it was, there was a point in the early going where it was on the verge of being a disaster (I guess we probably could have made the most of it and made it still really awesome, but since it didn't turn down that path, I'll just say it would have been close to the end of my blessed life as I knew it. You know, for dramatic effect). Shortly after I woke up after the first night of the weekend, I came so close to the edge of the cliff, I was actually falling off, until a mighty hand reached out and snatched me from what was to be certain death. This is the story.

Some time last year my boy Dave announced that he and Timmy Reynolds would be playing a small tour in December. That tour included two shows in The Vegas. Since Addy and I have never seen this dynamic duo and since we had pretty much seen every other concert that DMB had played on the summer tour, we decided that it would be pretty stupid not to go. Let's just get it out of the way and call me a super fanatic weirdo that would follow Dave anywhere. You can make fun of me all you want. I don't care, not even a little bit.

Some Thursday in December I arrived and quickly pulled up to the Planet Hollywood (PH) sports book to take in the Colts/Titans game while I waited with great anticipation for my friend Addy to arrive. Upon his arrival we polished off our typical weekend starter shots of Jameson and prepared for a wild ride.

This marks my fourth trip to Sin City and since I'm not a huge table game gambler, I've sort of developed my Vegas formula. I dabble in a bit of blackjack and craps, but I hate losing money. If I'm down quickly, I get pissed and walk away. There is a hidden gem of a game that I have grown deeply fond of. The name of this post gives light to that game. Pai Gow.

I don't think many people know how to play, which is a shame because if you want to gamble and drink for free without much risk of losing money, this is the game for you. I feel it is my duty to explain and share it with the world, and by the world I mean the three people that read this. It's a simple game really, based on poker hands. Each player and the dealer is dealt seven cards. From those seven cards you form two poker hands, one with two cards, the other with the remaining five cards. The only catch is that the five card hand must be higher than the two card hand. To win, both of your hands must beat the dealer's respective hands. Naturally this leads to lots of ties or pushes and of course no money exchanges. I'd give you an example of a hand, but I can tell that this is getting boring already. Just trust me, there are a lot of pushes, which in turn leads to you and your buddies sitting at the table for hours upon hours. If you get the cocktail waitress trained early, you won't be seeing straight by night's end. (Training the cocktail waitress: Step 1: Tip big on the first drink or two, after that she'll be back early and often. Step 2: Tip $1 everytime after that.)

After the Thursday night football game, Addy and I hit the Pai Gow table. The first night is a great example of how you win at Pai Gow, even when you lose. Addy had never played before, but that didn't stop him, nor should it stop any of you out there. One of the great staples of Pai Gow is that you can ask the dealer how the house would play your hand and they will tell you, EVERY TIME. This is good for Addy since he has the attention span of a 7 year old, especially when he starts drinking Redbull vodkas. It's really not that complicated though.

By the time 4 o'clock came around, we had the waitress bringing us RBVs every seven minutes. Addy, despite not paying attention and still having no idea what the rules were, had piled up a nice stack of chips. He also had made good friends with our good dealer Donna and the other patrons at the table. He had asked Donna to marry him a few times and the guys next to us kept gawking at him while he managed to keep stacking up chips. Like I said before, with all the pushed hands, it's rare that you lose much money, but in turn it's also rare that you win very much either. Chalk Addy's success up to drunken beginner's luck.

I said Donna was our good dealer. The bad dealer on this night was Chom. She was unbeatable and soon cleaned me out and took Addy's stack down considerably. Then Rainy came in (yes that is her name, 99% of the Pai Gow dealers are Asian, go figure) and really bent us over. Normally I have a rule that states if one is winning with a certain dealer, when he/she goes on break, color up and get the hell out of there because 99 times out of 100 the new dealer will absolutely anal rape you (figuratively speaking of course) and leave you feeling used and violated. I wasn't following my own rule on this night. I'll blame it on the waitress. She played hard.

When 5:30 came we decided it was time to call it and stumbled over for some food at the Earl of Sandwich. (sidebar: We had eaten before at some mexican bar. We pulled up and asked the bartender what he recommended on the menu. He highly recommended the menu item Drunken Nachos, $10. Seems really appealing and extremely appropriate right? Wrong. I remember the excitement I had for a huge plate of nachos with all the fixings and tons of chicken canvasing the delicious chips and cheese. When the bartender brought us our mini sized plates with seven chips topped with only a few shreds of cheese, I about threw my plate across the bar. What a let down. This little encounter left us thinking that we might never get a regularly sized meal in Vegas unless we either A) spent $20 or B) went to In-N-Out. Needless to say, we weren't looking forward to our food expenditures for the rest of the trip. This info is needed to understand the elation we experienced in the next part of our adventure. End sidebar) Little did we know, we would be eating the greatest sandwiches of our lifetimes. We decided to take the food back to the room, but when I turned around after nearing the elevators, I saw Addy standing in the middle of the casino floor, absolutely dominating his late dinner/early breakfast. I couldn't really blame him, as I would soon find out those were the greatest sandwiches ever made.

Despite the casino being a maze, we made it back to the room after only walking in a circle for 20 minutes. I'm not joking about the maze either. When Addy left the table to go to the bathroom, it was a forgone conclusion he would get lost on his way back, despite the bathroom being a 30 second walk in any direction. He'd be gone for 15 minutes at a time, which meant I would have to finish his drink so he could get a fresh one (bonus!). End of night one. Gambling tally: Dusty = down, Addy = up.

I wrote the above paragraphs in December, right after this trip. I had some elaborate plan to hold the readers in suspense with how I ended the first paragraph, but now I can hardly remember the details of everything that happened for the rest of the weekend. I'll give it my best shot in a short summary below (considering I always give too much detail about everything that 100% of the people reading don't care about). What can I say? I've been busy.

Like the first paragraph alluded, something was avoided that would have been a weekend stopper. I woke up and couldn't find my wallet. Wasn't in my pants pocket or on the desk or really anywhere after we tore the room apart. The big problem with that, aside from not having my plastic and paper money, was that I was flying out on Monday....and what do you need to fly? That's correct, a valid form of ID. I no longer had that and I had to be in Wichita for work starting Tuesday morning. What does one do in that situation? Bend over and try to relax? I didn't want to think about that, so we put our effort into finding the wallet, no matter how unlikely finding it seemed.

After we retraced all our steps and realized I used it at the sandwhich place around 6 AM, we figured I left it there or it had to be in the room. We again tore the room apart and not until I lifted up Addy's bed did he crawl under and come back out with my wallet. It was way up by the head of the bed near the corner (so basically the darkest place in the room). We had both looked under the bed multiple times and couldn't see it. I don't even know why I decided to lift the beds up, we both KNEW there wasn't anything under there. Oopsy daisy. Addy and I then participated in a 5 minute celebration around the room. There was dancing, high fiving, awkward hugging while jumping up and down in circles. Thankfully neither of us broke our leg like Kendrys Morales. Complete and utter jubilation was upon us, and it carried us through the rest of the weekend. One of us would say, "Hey remember when we found the wallet? That was one of the best moments EVER!" and the same 5 minute celebration would occur. True story.

After that little mini-debacle I left my extra DL (yes I have two, don't ask) and a credit card in the room, so even if disaster did strike, I would be ok. I will also be doing this anytime I travel by air for the rest of my life. You should too. That's Life Lesson #1 from me, more to follow. Remember when I wrote that this part would be short? The rest of the trip was great, more of the same as day one, except we went to 2 concerts (SSWY came with the first night), managed to get free tickets the 2nd night (how? some dude literally gave them to Addy and told us to buy him a beer inside) AND then sold our original night two tickets within 30 seconds. Sunday was also good as we gambled on nearly every NFL game and watched all of them (except the Vikings because the Metrodome roof collapsed...awesome!)

Sunday night ended back at the Pai Gow table. Addy and I both proceeded to bank some cash at the table. We give all the credit to our good luck chip. There was one chip in play that was different from the rest because it had a picture of some dude on it. Addy dubbed the chip 'The Wrestler' and claimed that he could never lose a hand with The Wrestler in play. Soon everyone at the table knew of The Wrestler and its powers. It was so powerful that it would draw cheers everytime Addy won a hand. He was guaranteeing the dealer would lose and daring the dealer to try and take it from him. The Wrestler even radiated good luck to the whole table (or at least me). We walked away with around $300 between the two of us, including The Wrestler. It may not sound like it on paper, but just take my word for it, The Wrestler was awesome and helped bring fun and camaraderie to the table.

Oh oh I just remembered another sweet move I pulled. Some Pai Gow tables have this 'Fortune Bonus' side bet, which if you play you get paid out some decent odds if anyone at the table gets a straight or higher. One hand I had a straight flush on my high hand, and there was a dude playing the Fortune Bonus. I was waiting for him to get paid out, but the dealer took the cards and put them in the shuffle compartment. I asked the dealer why he didn't get paid because I had a straight flush, so the pit boss had to come over and pull the cards out of the shuffler and find my cards, then pay the guy out. The guy then proceeded to give me a $25 chip, considering I had just won him a couple hundy, I thought that was mighty fine of him. Boom, LAWYERED.

Overall in roughly 90 hours in Vegas we were inside the PH for 88 of them. The only exception was when we walked (which I don't recommend, it's tougher than you think to get across the interstate) to In-N-Out for some delicious double-doubles. The only other meals we had were from the Earl of Sandwhich and the bar where we went to watch football (still inside PH). After the first night, EoS became standard lunch, dinner, and breakfast, in that order because we were going to bed at 5 and waking up at noon. Those sandies were that good (and inexpensive!). Good times; and that's all I have to say about that.

What a long strange trip it's been

2010-10-13T17:00:00.014-05:00

Well a lot has happened since my last post. I don't know where to begin. I think I'll try to sum up how I feel about certain events in a couple sentences. That's something new. Now I just need to think of the topics. Here we go.

DMB show Omaha

Highlight: Aside from the show itself (which was fantastic), seeing the chick next to us pass out right before our very eyes, falling absolutely face first on to the concrete floor harder than I've ever seen. Too mean? How about this, on the drive home Meow and I stopped at a gas station for some refreshments. For some reason, he purchased milk and was drinking it with the window down. A car that pulled up next to us said something funny about milk, but I can't remember what it was. Now I bet you wish I would've have just stopped with the girl falling on her face. Too late.

Lowlight: As I was standing on the corner waiting to cross the street on the way to the Qwest Center, a bird shat on my right shoulder. True story.

DMB show St. Paul

Highlight: Aside for the show itself (which was fantastic), it had to be the antics of Dr. P A) telling Joe Nathan (whom we saw at the bar after the show) that he would never come back from surgery and be good again, B) getting kicked out of bar 1 for slamming a fake window at a booth, C) nearly getting kicked out of bar 2 for breaking a pint glass at the table and knocking a neon sign off the window, and D) asking for a ride from Addy and I only to disappear and take what had to be a $50 cab ride home. Bravo Dr. P!

Lowlight: Wait, maybe the highlight was actually the lowlight. So here's the actual highlight - taking my sister, brother, and his girlfriend to their first shows! (awwwwwwww how sweet am I?)

Twins @ White Sox, US Cellular Field, Chicago, IL, USA, Earth, Milky Way, The Universe

Greatest Mauer jersey ever?

Highlight: Aside from the game itself (which was fantasic), I'd say it would have to be us trying to bring brooms in as the Twins were looking to complete a 3 game sweep, the security gaurds telling us we couldn't bring in the full brooms, us breaking them off right near the sweeper part so we could get in with the brooms, me busting out my broom in the 1st inning after the Twins were up 1-0, my friends quickly grabing it from me telling me it was too early for that, the Twins scoring 2 more runs that inning making my friends look silly for stopping me, all of the shit we took from the Sox fans around us as the Twins held on for the sweep, and all of the random Twins fans that wanted to take pictures with us because of our sweet broom handles. Oh yeah, not getting shot after all those shenanigans while on the south side of Chi-town was pretty cool too.

Tailgating with brooms a-ready.

Lowlight: Addy making a fool of himself, leaning over the bullpen, screaming at Matt Thornton and asking him which milestone he was going to give up next (referring to Jim Thome's moonshot in extra innings at Target Field on 8/17), before nearly getting escorted out by security. Don't mess with karma dude.

DMB Wrigley Day 1

Highlight: Aside from the show itself (which was fantastic), keeping up Chicago traditions by going for a slurpee at 7-Eleven. There's one on every corner. Kind of like Dunkin Donuts on the east coast. Don't think that the day sucked just because a slurpee is my highlight either. You don't know how much I love slurpees and as a bonus, we got some taquitos. Also we managed to get a free beer tower after the show and I of course showcased my best dance moves.

Lowlight: Dr. P bought a metal slurpee straw. Yes, he paid money for a straw that had the words 'Slurpee' printed on it. Also, my old reliable Moto Q died on me. Good night, sweet Prince.

It's funny if you read it as one sentence.

DMB Wrigley Day 2

Highlight: Aside from the show itself (which was fantastic), watching the Big Red throttle Washington at a local Husker bar. The place was almost as full of Husker fans as the sea of red at Memorial Stadium. Pretty nifty atmosphere considering we were 525 miles removed from Lincoln. Playing on my new phone provided some entertainment as well.

Look at the bun on that! Kirkwood Bar, Chicago.

Lowlight: Bom Bom and I falling asleep, beers in hand, at the bar near home base. Both teams played hard. In our defense we were sitting on an extremely comfortable couch.

P & L District, KC, MO

Highlight: Aside from the cab ride through Taco Bell drive thru (which was fantastic), I'd say the piano bar was a good time but not for any particular reason (probably because I don't remember any particular moments), but the real good time was back at the hotel when the DeanYo told me he'd buy my KC Chiefs ticket if I went over and knocked on the door of the previously discovered bachelorette party room, in nothing but my boxers. Of course I did and it was caught on video.... For mature audiences only. (<----plays with quicktime)

Lowlight: I can’t really think of one, so we must have been flying high all night. That almost makes me wish we had a Dr. P type there to make a good story. Almost. (Just kidding Dr. P! Or am I?)

Team Digits @ Chiefs, Arrowhead Stadium

Highlight: Aside from the game itself (which was fantastic), definitely had to be all of the supremely clever Chiefs fans that told me I was in the wrong place since I was wearing a Vikings jersey. Can’t a person just go to a game and be a football fan supporting his team? I countered by telling them I was part of an NFL sponsored program called Fans Across America, of which the goal is to have at least one fan from every NFL team at every game for the entire season.

Post game highlight: I met Jum and some friends at the casino in KC and watched football at the bar. We nearly saw two Chiefs fans square off because one was rooting for the Chargers instead of the Seahawks. Fortunately, only the wife was knocked on the ground when the guy went over to scream at the other guy, ‘I was born!’ That must be out of context because it doesn’t make sense. Does it?

Probably the only time Team Digits was in the red zone all day.

Lowlight: Due to the previous night’s activities in the P & L District, it was a slow moving day and there wasn’t much motivation to get crazy. Plus it may have taken an IV of moonshine to get me feeling anywhere near sloppy faced. Probably a good thing since it was Sunday, I still had a 3 hour drive home, and work was at 7:30 AM and I was still planning on going to the casino with Jum until 10 PM.

Special thanks to all of you wonderful people out there that made these events possible, especially to our lovely lady Chi-town hosts, even if one of you is a White Sox fan.

You can only be a Sox fan if you are from south Chicago. Lucky for Tags, she is.

Bom and I enjoying a Twins sweep.

I am kind of in a shell shock after the recent happenings involving my favorite baseball and football teams, especially after two great seasons and the high expectations going in to this baseball post-season and this early football season. The sweep of the Twins feels different this year. I can’t put my finger on it, but this one is going to be tougher to get over. Trying to write about it isn’t helping so I’ll move on to the debacle that is the 1-3 Minnesota Vikings.

It is hard to imagine that Sidney Rice was such a big piece of our offense that we can’t even function without him. Clearly other factors are in play here i.e. horrible play calling, poor efforts in picking up blitzes, and an overall lack of enthusiasm. It is also weird that I posted a picture of Randy Moss in my NFL preview post and now he has returned to Minny. Encouraging, even in the loss to the Jets, were the flashes I saw of the ’09 offense possibly waking up and coming to life. Discouraging, however, was the late pick the newly crowned all-time fumbles leader threw to end the game. Despite the disappointments, I’ll continue to lay it all out there for my teams. In winning or losing seasons, through good press and junk picture texting scandals, through sweeps of the White Sox and division series sweeps by the Yanks, I’ll be there. Like my friend Ben Wrightman said, ‘It’s good for your soul to invest in something you can’t control.’

Call Me Crazy....

2010-09-15T11:00:00.001-05:00

Last night was the start of a five day stretch of what may seem crazy to some, but will most likely rival some of my greatest adventures I've experienced in my lifetime. I may sound like a broken record here talking about my favorite band, but I don't care. They [Dave Matthews Band] were in my town last night so of course I had to attend. Back when I lived in the Great White North, the other groupies and I routinely drove countless hours to see a show. So when the baddest band in the land is playing 20 minutes away from where I lay my head at night, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't go. Not that I didn't want to go, but in lieu of the events planned during the next four days, I was hesitant at dropping cash on a ticket. Let me explain.

Back in March, I purchased DMB tickets to the St. Paul show as a graduation/birthday gift for my little sister. Even though he's a bum and he doesn't read this fantastic publication, I bought a ticket for my brother as a birthday gift. If I was really cool, I would have bought a ticket for his girlfriend without expecting her to pay me back, but my generosity only goes so far. Maybe I'll buy her a mixed drink before the show. Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked; the point is, we planned on going to this show and it would be a good time blah, blah, blah. That was as far as this story went. The Execl Energy Center show was scheduled as the last stop on the 2010 summer tour. The key word in that last sentence is 'was.' It 'was' the last show of the summer tour until a couple months ago when they added two shows at Wrigley Field. Combo the addition of the Wrigley shows with the band's announcement that there would not be a 2011 tour and the groupies and I decided we had to be in attendance. Shortly after they went on sale, we had a crew of six going to both nights in Chicago. Boom.

As I said before, last night was the Omaha show. I'm leaving in an hour for St. Paul. Tomorrow, Meow is meeting Addy and I in Des Moines and we'll be in Chi-town by 5 PM. Now it's time for you to get out your MLB schedules and see who just happens to be in town playing the rival White Sox. Oh what's that? My defending Central Division Champion Minnesota Twins are wrapping up a three game series versus the south-siders? Well it would just be stupid not to go to that game decked out in Twins gear, obnoxiously drunk, screaming long-time White Sox television broadcaster Ken 'Hawk' Harrelson sayings. I think the game is going to be broadcast on MLB Network so if you don't live in Twins or Sox territory, look for us on the TV.

The Twins magic number is currently at 12 so we can't clinch the division while we are in attendance, but you could imagine what it'd be like if we could. Right? Right? Right? Funny story: I just told the short version of this post to my buddy El DeanYo. This is his response: Wow.. you are doing more this weekend then I've done my entire life. You should write a song about it. Or blog.'

Are You Ready For Some Football?

2010-09-09T17:00:00.003-05:00

The National Football League kicks off the regular season tonight with the rematch of last year's NFC Title game. My favorite band will be playing on the pre-game show and my favorite team will be playing in the game. Could be fun.

Aaron Rodgers has fear for the mullet. The rest of the National Football League should get in line.

I love how quickly people have gotten down on the Vikings this year. It's laughable to hear all the people taking a turn to negative town. I'm not even mad though, it's amazing. I'm impressed. I'd like to take the time to point back to last year before the regular season. What were people saying about the Vikings then? I don't recall many people predicting much different than what they are saying now. I think the Vikes came in to last season with more question marks than this year.

Here are the preseason complaints I remember from last year: Sidney Rice was basically an unproven scrub. Percy Harvin was an unproven rookie with chronic migraines. Adrian Peterson had a fumbling problem. Brett Favre was old. Brad Childress was a bad play caller. The secondary was banged up and not very good. Bernard Berrian is just a so-so player.

Here's what I'm hearing this year: Sidney Rice is out. Percy Harvin has chronic migraines. Adrian Peterson has a fumbling problem. Brett Favre is old. Brad Childress is a bad play caller. The secondary is banged up and not very good. Bernard Berrian is still a so-so player. The Vikes don't have a replacement for Chester Taylor.

I'll give you the Chester Taylor argument, that's it. Everything else is the same. Sidney Rice being out for 6-8 weeks is actually better than where we sat last year, since we didn't know he could be an impact player. I don't doubt the Vikings can plug in an unproven scrub, like Rice was last year, and have success, see: Greg Lewis Espy Award. Harvin showed what he is capable of last year. I only see improvement and more involvement in the offense this season. The migraines have been there his entire life and, to me, are a non-factor. Forget about them. Favre is still old. That old guy still managed to put up the best season of his career last year. As for his durability, see: Consecutive Games Started record. I don't like Childress. As long as he doesn't screw up a can't miss power house offense, I'll let him be. Our defense is still one of the best in the National Football League despite whatever our secondary does. No team is perfect, I'll deal. Who cares if Berrian isn't a pro-bowler? See previous statement regarding perfection.

This is what Moss had to say to Vikings haters back in the day. I bid the same to Vikings haters today.

Whew! I'm glad I was able to get that off my chest. Seriously though, I do love how everyone is writing the Vikes off early. Coming in with all the pressure is much tougher. I wonder which team has more pressure tonight. I wonder how long it's been since a Super Bowl Championship team has even won a playoff game the following season. Good luck Saints; you're going to need it.

Although nobody really cares, I have my playoff picks for this season, below. I just want to see how bad they are when the season ends. This way I can easily look back and say 'Cripes! What a bunch of worthless predictions those were!'

NFC East: Cowboys NFC North: Vikings NFC South: Falcons NFC West: 49ers

Wild Card: Packers, Giants

AFC East: Patriots AFC North: Ravens AFC South: Colts AFC West: Chargers

Wild Card: Titans, Jets

Super Bowl: Vikings over the Colts (Peyton becomes Jim Kelly incarnate with the exception of his one SB win)

The End of an Era?

2010-08-31T19:40:00.014-05:00

Back in the fall of 2003, an impressionable young man strolled through the University of North Dakota student union on a crisp weekday afternoon, unsuspecting of how his life would soon be changed forever. As a freshman in college, the world was in front of him. No one looking over his shoulder, he was in charge of his own path, determined to make his upcoming life journey a memorable one. He harbored high hopes that one day people would say, 'If that boy's life was posted on the interweb as a readily available free publication, I probably wouldn't read it, but I bet someone might.'

That young man was me. I still remember that day. It was the day I became aware of the fantastic deal that is the $5 large pizza from Little Caesars. Back then, it was a new deal that was only available one day of the week at the UND student union (there was a deal on a different day that had $3 medium pizzas too, I think). When I say it was a 'new deal,' I mean it was new to me, so of course since I hadn't heard of it before, I am making the assumption that it was a new development in the pizza industry, discovered by me. I mean, let's face it, a deal like that isn't going to be around for long before a food lover such as myself discovers it. Natural deductive reasoning suggests that day was probably the first time the $5 large was offered. Worst case scenario, it had been around for a week. I've since eaten so many of those pizzas, it wouldn't be out of the question to say that I was solely responsible for the success and eventual expansion of the $5 large pizza campaign. The $5 large pizzas were soon available anyday, anytime, and they were always hot and ready. You're welcome America.

I remember thinking how it was absolutely mind-blowing that LC could produce and sell a pizza of that size for that price. I know what some of you are thinking and I agree, it's not the greatest pizza in the world. That title is well spoken for and comes with a price, a price well worth it. In the case of LC, it's all about the value. Getting something for great value makes it more appealing and easier to overlook the quality. Don't get me wrong, if you tried to sell me a large pizza covered with dog poo for $1, I wouldn't simply overlook the shit on my pizza and eat it because it's cheap. That is too much of a sacrifice in quality for price to overcome. I'd probably seriously consider it though. Pizza for a dollar? What was I thinking? You can't pass that deal up! That's crazy talk!

Seriously though, the value doesn't excuse a glaring drop in quality, just a slight drop. The LCs large pizzas are fantastic quality considering the price, but there was a separate secret ingredient that, when added, made eating the pizzas more like a religious experience than a regular dinner. Recently, the secret became nothing but a faded memory; a faint, lingering taste in my mouth.

Of course fellow LC lovers know that I am referring to the Spice Paks that were available for patrons to sprinkle, like tiny little specks of delicious, all across the pizza, making a tasty feast for all to enjoy. These bundles of wonderful flavor upgraded the already decent LC pizza to something unmatched by the competition. The seasoning was taking a good meal and making it great. It could only be better if a fresh order of Crazy Bread was added (no marinara sauce needed). Brilliant!

I could write another 1,000 word post on these alone.

Sadly, these Spice Paks have been slowly disappearing over the last few years. It first started in Grand Forks during my senior year. After ordering a hot and ready pizza, I asked for some Spice Paks like I had a thousand times before. Then I heard the words that would haunt me for the rest of my life, well, at least until I left the parking lot, 'Sorry, we don't have Spice Paks anymore.' All I heard was, 'Die die die!'

Surprisingly, life went on. You know the expression depressed losers use, 'Food has lost its taste blah blah blah something about colors are dull.' I kind of felt like that, but just the food part and only for LC pizza. Yet, it was truer for LC pizza than it was for any food I've ever loved. I thought I'd never fully enjoy a hot and ready large again. I say 'fully enjoy' because obviously there was no way I was going to stop enjoying taking advantage of that deal.

A few months passed before I struck gold once again. Sometime when visiting my home town, I indulged in my LC pizza passion. Even though, I hadn't seen one in GF for months, I always asked for the ever so coveted Spice Paks. To my surprise, my wish was granted and all was right with the world once again! The feeling didn't last long. Less than a year later, the B-town LC was out of Spice Paks, for good as it seemed.

Although discouraged and downtrodden, I kept searching. Anytime I saw a different LC, I tried it out in hopes of finding my spice of life. It was hit or miss on the road, I'd like to say 50%, but who knows. It wasn't until I landed a 'real world' job in Omaha that I found a steady supply again. The last two years have been great, but in the back of my mind, I knew a day was coming when the Spice Paks would run out. It happened not too long ago. I thought maybe I'd have to move again to a city where the Spice Paks were untapped. Then I decided to post a tribute to Spice Paks, which you are reading right now, and I found this while looking for a picture.

I don't care about the salmonella! I don't believe it either. I never got sick and I've eaten at least a billion of these paks. True story.

DTP-alooza

2010-08-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

Another birthday has come and gone and the earth has now been graced with my presence for over 27 years. It just so happens that a fellow from my office and another fellow on my softball team were celebrating their yearly anniversary of birth the same week as me. The powers that be came together one wet, hot, American summer night and came up with a brilliant idea. We were going to throw a three-way party. Wait.... that doesn't sound so good when talking about three dudes. Let me rephrase. We came up with the idea to throw a party with us three birthday boys as the featured hosts. Within seconds of forming the idea, a mutual friend and professional party planner, offered her services up for free. The wheels were set in motion for what will forever be known as DTP-alooza!

The party planning committee was high in energy and full of enthusiasm. The ideas were flowing all week long, of course all planning took place during non-business hours. There were many party planning luncheons discussing venues, refreshments, activities, music, and invitees. First off, we decided that a cleverly written and well decorated e-vite would be a great way to get the word out and create a minor media buzz (because that's what minor celebrities do). I was going to put a link to the e-vite in this post, but after further review there was some personal info I didn't want leaked all over the world wide interweb, thus I am not linking it. Being the minor celeb that I am, I've got to have at least one bat-shit crazy stalker right? You'll just have to trust me that it was cleverly written and well decorated. I wouldn't lie to you.

It was decided that my house was the ideal locale, mostly because of the decently sized basement/backyard and because I rent. The birthday men supplied a keg of the finest Bud Light money can buy. I also made a special concoction and labeled it DTP's Killer Lemonade. Really, it was just lemonade with a whole bunch of roofies mixed in. Just kidding! There were various amounts of beer, vodka, lemonade, limeade, and sprite mixed together while tasting delicious and allowing one to get glassy eyed fast and in a hurry.

We had these posters plastered all over the entire house as well. 8 different pictures. Collect 'em all!

There was beer pong being played and bags being thrown. There were Jell-O shots being slurped and Yum Fizzy shots being poured. There was music in the air and magic in our hearts. The whole evening was one big, glorious gongshow. The DTP-alooza playlist we created was fantastically epic and there were even some guest DJs screaming over the mic. Later on, Snoop-a-loop performed live and Frank the Tank streaked across the stage and then through the quad and into the gymnasium. Consequently, he didn't make it to the Home Depot the next morning and it goes without saying that there wasn't enough time for Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

I'm going to tell you everything that I remember happening at this fantastic festival of fun: I played and won 2 games of beer pong and I rode down the neighbor kids' slide. That's it.

People began arriving around 7 PM and from what I'm told, I was still kicking when the last person left at 3 AM. All I can say is those must have been some long ass games of beer pong. Also, after several hours of searching the next day, I found my cellular telephone underneath the neighbor kids' slide. All in all, DTP-alooza was a success. Someone left a 12 pack in the basement which made it an even bigger success. Score!

We also had a wavier agreement to sign. Once signed, it was taped to the wall in the basement. Good times.

By signing this document, I ___________, agree not to disclose
any information about the happenings that take place during the DTP-alooza*, or
during any residual happenings that may occur as a direct or indirect result
from the aforementioned event, with any person that did not participate in the
DTP-alooza. This is an agreement that cannot be voided under any
circumstance once signed, as determined by the United States Supreme Court. This
agreement is for the safety** and continued well-being** of all involved
attendees of DTP-alooza 2010. Any breach of this agreement by the signer will be
pursued and punished to the full extent of the law.

Now you have no excuse to hold back. What happens at or
because of DTP-alooza, stays in the DTP-alooza circle of legally bound
trust.

*DTP-alooza is considered an open ended event set to begin on
Saturday, August 7, 2010. It may included up to 4 hours before the official start
time of 5:00 PM CDT and up to 24 hours after the signer leaves the
event.

** Safety and well-being in this case, refer to social safety
and well-being i.e. reputation, image, and the like. The creators of DTP-alooza
are in no way responsible for any physical injuries sustained to the signer of
this agreement.

Pat didn't send us a pic for the e-vite and the name has been changed to protect the innocent.

Rooftop Jams '03: A Mixtape Of All The Queen Songs I Was Really In To In The Summer Of 2003

2010-07-23T16:05:00.131-05:00

What a place that New York City is. Those streets made me feel brand new. Those lights did inspire me. Despite the fact that I got in 12 hours later than I was supposed to (thanks Midwest Airlines!), I managed to get over my continuing airline travel curse and have a super swell time. Most of the time it feels good hangin’ with the laid back country folk, but every once in awhile, I like to mix it up and feel the hustle and bustle of the big city. All teams played hard and majorly contributed to what I’m calling a tremendous victory, not only for us travelers, but for the city of New York and all of the people there that were blessed enough to have been touched by our "presence." Why did I put presence in quotes? The answer is because Paul Rudd is my hero. If you are lost right now, go out and rent Role Models and watch it. Hurry up or you’re going to miss more references. Anyway, back to the people that were touched, even though you didn’t say thank you, we know you are grateful. You are welcome.

Look at Ant's Nose Neighbor. It was a conversation piece. Sample dialogue: Have you seen my friend with the mustache?

The trip provided much entertainment from top to bottom, but there are a few things that stick out and might be worth sharing. Obviously, I must think my life is fantastically entertaining or I wouldn’t keep an entire blog dedicated to, as my boy SSWY put it, spinning epic tales of grand adventure. Some people may think they aren't worth sharing. Maybe you don't want to read. That's the beauty of free will, you control what you do. Sometimes I want to be from Vermont and have an emerging maple syrup conglomerate and, at least in my own mind, that can be true. The point is, you can read this or close the window, the choice is yours. Do you think I care if anyone reads this? Ok, you got me, I really, really do. What can I say? I have low self esteem. Can you tell that I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night? I’ve been listening to Come on Elieen by Kevin Rowland and Dexy’s Midnight Runners on repeat for the entire work day; that should give you some kind of indication of the shape I’m in. At four and half minutes per play, I’d say that today I’ve heard it roughly 87 times and counting. With that, I’ll segue in to spinning some epic mini-tales of grand adventure.

Addy, DC, Ant, and I after Friday's show

I previously mentioned that I was most excited about makin’ sweet plays on the Great Lawn. We did put on a quite a clinic for those watching. Hitting the cut-off man, gunning down imaginary runners, and throwing wicked breaking pitches were all activities that made the Makin' Plays: The Great Lawn Story documentary. We couldn’t really make as many plays as we wanted due to time constraints, temperature constraints, and old washed up arm constraints, but we made the best of what’s around.

Couldn't have been too hot. I kept the sweater vest on

The Jimmy Fallon taping was cool to see live. The highlight of the show, aside from JLoveH talking about happy endings and us repping our favorite ballclub on national TV, was Addy and Ant getting their cameras confiscated for breaking the ‘no pictures in the studio’ rule. While Addy thought he could be pretty sneaky (or snakey) and snap a pic ninja style during the JLH interview, he was sadly mistaken. As soon as he took the pic and thought he was in the clear, I assured him that one of the thirty-seven security guys scanning the crowd with hawk-like prowess saw him. Sure enough, during the next break the iPhone was confiscated. Ant was a little less discrete when he attempted his photo. The show was over and people were leaving when an announcement reminded us to keep cell phones put away until we exited the studio. Ant thought that meant he could take out his actual camera and take a picture; this was not a correct assumption. When the security guys yelled out, ‘Swarm!!’ Ant just held the camera out so they could take it from him. They didn’t take it since the show was over, but they did stand there and watch as Addy and Ant deleted the pictures from their respective electronics.

Of course he's in a 3-point stance

The concerts were great, as always. Zac Brown opened both nights and surprised us with a little Rage Against the Machine cover. I think they could switch musical genres without skipping a beat. That boy has some anger he needs to let out and the crowd was going nuts, especially considering the headliner wasn’t going to be on stage for another hour. The baddest band in the land delivered some quality music and we all sweated through our clothes multiple times. Our crew was pretty close the 2nd night.

Dave and the boys doin' their thing

One of the random things we ended up doing was attending a comedy show at a supposed famous place where the likes of Murphy, Seinfeld, Rock, and Sandler used to play. We weren’t expecting much and only bought the tickets because A) they were $10 and B) there was a chance the dude that wears a trucker hat from 30 Rock would show up for a set. I just remembered, the bar across the street from the club happened to have $1 beers all night. That may have slightly influenced our decision. Random decision number one of the trip turned out to be a good one. We saw several good acts and one fantastic set by a finalist on Last Comic Standing, and our boy from 30 Rock showed up. The only bad thing (which makes it a better story) is that there was a two drink minimum and the prices were like that of a strip club (or Yankee game). Beer was the cheap item on the menu at $10 each; mixed drinks were going for $15. Long story short, Ant was double fisting, yadda yadda yadda, he was mildly upset when his bill arrived.

You could get a whole bunch of Mums

I'll wrap this up with a particularly strange event that happened during our grand adventures. One night after the show, we got back to the hotel around 12:30 to change and head back out, taking advantage of the 4 AM bar close time. When in Rome, right? We end up at some dive bar right around the corner. Ant strikes up a convo with a random kid, meanwhile I'm running out of gas at an incredible rate. Next thing I know, bar had closed, we all had 6-packs, and were sitting on the rooftop of the random kid's apartment listening to every song in Queen's catalog, while watching the sunrise. Also, the random kid was absolutely rocking out, by himself, to every single song. He was just off in his own little world strutting around the roof, while three strangers watched, dancing his face off to his iPod, from which he was exclusively playing Queen, for about two solid hours. Yes, he was extremely high and entertainment was had by all.

In case you can't read the fine print:

-That's definitely a dude

-It can't be

-It's not

-Who cares?

Big Citi Living

2010-07-14T14:00:00.029-05:00

These next few days have the potential to be great. In a few hours I'm leavin' on a jet plane and, unlike LeBron James, I'm taking my talents to New York. On the agenda for this trip: 2 dmb shows at Citi Field, 1 baseball game at Yankee Stadium, 1 taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon at 30 Rock, and the making of an educational documentary film called Makin' Plays: The Great Lawn Story on Central Park's Great Lawn. I am not sure which event I'm more excited for. The same trio of characters as the 2009 Boston 4th of July extravaganza are partaking, with a special guest appearance by DC. We proved three wasn't a crowd last year. It was actually a freakin' blast of epic proportions. Adding one more to our crew can only help the situation, right? Of course. All you need is a great attitude and unlimited enthusiasm. I'm an idea man and I thrive on enthusiasm.

Remember when I said I wasn't sure about which event I was more excited for? I lied. Concerts and ballgames are fun and all, but I'm really pumped to be out on the Great Lawn makin' some sick plays. Flashing the leather on the Great Lawn is one of the best activities anyone could ever participate in. I've got my ball glove ready and there'll definitely be shades of JT Snow out there on the Great Lawn. I've also decided that I like saying/typing the words Great Lawn. I'm not sure why we even booked a hotel room. I'd be happy to camp out under the stars on the Great Lawn. The park can't be as scary as it is portrayed in Home Alone 2. That bird lady still gives me nightmares. I don't care if she ended up making friends with Kevin McCallister. She made Harry and Marv look like something right out of Disney.

Isn't it breath-taking?

Ant landed there this morning and has already sent me a Time's Square pic. Addy was supposed to be there with him this morning, taking the red-eye from PHX to ATL to JFK last night, which brings me to a little story about karma. Addy is notorious for cutting it close when traveling by air. He usually arrives 7 minutes prior to departure and somehow checks in, gets through security, and gets in a front row seat in 6.5 minutes. Also, his flights are never delayed for any reason, even this past Christmas his plane somehow landed in Bemidji during a blizzard white-out hell storm, while two years ago, my plane circled Bemidji with clear skies and flew back to MSP. After his most recent demonstration of this behavior, I expressed my concern for how long his good luck with air travel would last. Here are some texts I received from him today.

12:25 AM: Damn. Just missed my HOTlanta flight

12:41 AM: Actually my 80 min Phx delay did all the work for me

12:46 AM: Any chance to catch my ATL flight when I land 15 minutes after it takes off?

12:47 AM: Could make up some serious time on a 5 hour flight, right?

12:50 AM: My iPhone flight update app had it delayed hours ago. Delta.com still doesn't know.

1:57 AM: They're sending me home (in a cab I'm paying for). And coming back tomorrow. See you at 3 pm big apple. @#!* this.

1:51 PM: Wheels down in the city that only sleeps on Sundays!

See how quickly he got his enthusiasm back? That's why we need the Big Guy there. See you soon fellas!

Star Island: Sandy Beaches Where Dreams Are Made Of

2010-07-09T18:30:00.014-05:00

Last weekend was the one year anniversary of the best weekend of my life (day 1, day 2, days 3-4). Although I knew this weekend would be a great one, it's difficult to avoid comparing all my future weekends to last year's Boston Excursion, which surpassed any possible expectations and was truly magical in nature. That being said, it's also hard to have a bad time on the 4th of July. Especially if you know of a little place called Assssssssspin, where the beer flows like wine and the women flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Wait... I mean if you know a little place called Star Island on the great Cass Lake. Myself, along with a few of my cohorts made the trip to 'sota for an old fashioned good time.

My boy Addy, was flying in to our old college town of Grand Forks on Friday and hitching a ride with SSWY, his lovely wife, and their two dogs. From the outside that looks like nice little family and friends trip. The two dogs in this nice little family and friends trip happen to be English Bulldogs. Duke and Dora used to look like this, but now they look more like this. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a tad. I'm just saying, they are bigger than they used to be, and Addy might have been a little cramped riding bitch with these two pups lounging in the backseat with him. I was driving up from OmaHuh on Friday and, being the adventurous type that I am, decided that I would go up slightly out of my way to GF to meet my friends, see the old town, eat some greatly missed cuisine, and convoy back to B-town with the crew. So instead of heading east at Fargo, I continued north with visions of grinders and cheese tostadas dancing in my head.

The dogs used to fit in the sink. Not so much anymore. Is there anyone sitting on that chair? I can't tell.

Once I arrived, I only had to fulfill a couple of SSWY's husband duties as he was working (run errands with the wife and take the dogs for a walk) before I could enjoy the simple greatness that is the Red Pepper. Unfortunately, we had to pick-up Addy at the airport before I could take full advantage of my fill-in husband duties (ho ho just kidding Lindsey!). As we said goodbye to the married kids, who were in a bigger hurry to get back home than us two swingin' bachelors, we pondered where this night was heading. After some quick BWWs, we headed to a favorite watering hole called Judy's to meet an acquaintance from Addy's schooling years. Soon, hours had passed by in what seemed like minutes, as we talked and laughed the night away with funny stories, past and present. All good things must come to an end, so we said our goodbyes and headed over to the Red Pepper. Yes, again. Addy hadn't even been there yet and I wasn't going to deny him of some delicious grinder goodness because I had previously eaten there six hours prior! Plus it was after midnight, so it wasn't like I had it twice in one day or anything (As if that even matters? Why do I feel like people are judging me like I broke some kind of law?). I like to eat turkey grinders with taco meat, doused in red and white sauce. Deal with it.

We made a safe journey home where I dropped Addy at his folks' place before returning to my folks' place. What a nice surprise I had waiting for me upon my arrival home. The bed I normally sleep in was occupied. So, there I was left with a pull-out, but not just any ordinary pull-out. It is a single pull-out, probably the only one ever made due to it's ridiculously small size. A seven year old kid might fit on this thing, maybe if he didn't have legs. By the time I actually tried to go to sleep, it was 5 AM and the sun was coming up on a beautiful Saturday morning.

The next day was a nice little Saturday even without a Home Depot visit. I'd say the highlights were spending some time on the lake, meeting some friends out, and dominating some pizza from Dave's. The pizza was by far the best part of the day. I'm saying that despite the hours I spent flying across Lake Bemidji on a jet-ski. Flying. The wind was really tossing my watercraft around out there. I'm just giving you an idea of how good the pizza is. If it can beat the greatest water sport activity ever invented, it's gotta be goooooood.

On America's birthday, I began the day eating a wonderfully prepared meal of brats, corn, beans, snicker salad, cheesy potatoes, and beer; not a bad way to start off the greatest day in American history. Addy and I were ready for Dad to take us out to Star Island. (Background story: Dad, in this scenario, is neither Addy's nor my dad. Dad is a friend of ours that acts a lot like our dads. He takes us fishing and hunting, drives us around if we've been drinking, plays darts with us, and takes us to Star Island. In lieu of this, we call him Dad and he calls both of us his sons.) Just like a good Dad always comes through, so did our Dad on this glorious day of American pride.

Many people from the Great White North know of the island that is called Star. I am proud to say I am one of them, and I frequent the beautiful place any chance I can. For those of you who don't know, let me paint a word picture. Imagine, for a second, a sandy beach tucked in a cove on an island. Imagine walking in knee to waist deep water, feeling nothing but sand between your toes, as the waves gently crash upon the shore. Imagine 100+ boats pulling up to the shoreline and anchoring for a day of sun soaking and partying with friends and strangers alike, as time crawls slowly by, hour after fun-filled hour. Imagine jet-skis, water-skis, beach games, music, and best of all - young girls in bikinis, stretching as far as down as the shore will allow. Imagine a place where smiles are infinite and dreams become reality. That is the place we spent our 4th of July, and it was simply amazing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something about being on the water that makes me realize how good life is and where my home truly is. I love that place.

What happens on Star Island, stays on Star Island. Except for swimmer's itch. That shit'll come back with you. -Addy D

Pizza Hut and Losing: A Sad Commentary

2010-06-29T16:30:00.004-05:00

Remember when I said the party was just getting started at the CWS? That is called a blog tease. It's kind of like when a chick flirts with you long enough to get you to pay for something (dinner, drinks, etc.), while giving you a semi, before leaving you hanging with nothing to show for it. It's kind of like that, except much less exciting. I was planning on delivering on my tease because, A) I thought I had something to offer and B) I hate those chicks. I don't want to hate myself. I'll leave that to the emo kids. Anyway, after I thought about it, I realized that despite everyone in the entire town knowing we had an AWESOME time, there were only a few things that stood out in my mind from Sunday and Monday before Addy left.

We continued to stick it to the NCAA by way of bringing my 'binoculars' to the game. Although we sat right behind home plate, they were very useful in keeping the buzz of college baseball alive in the stadium. It kind of sounded like a world cup soccer match. That was probably just in my head.

I was encouraged by some middle-age lady folk to 'take it off!' as I walked by their tailgate. After I told them to be careful what they wish for, I joined their tailgate for the remainder of the night. Evidently I made a good impression, because somewhere in between listening to one lady's life story and drinking their beer, a dude took my picture and sent it to his sister-in-law telling me he would introduce us.

Later we saw Christopher Walken wandering through the lot. He came up to us and asked us if we wanted to go smoke a couple cigars out on the dock. To which we of course answered, 'Stogies? Why not?'

Ok, one of the above things didn't happen, but I'm not telling which. Addy later caught a ride to the airport from a girl he met one night in Omaha over a year ago when passing through. If you met a girl for one night, could you make enough of an impression on her so that, over one year later, she would give you a ride to the airport if you randomly showed up and asked her to? I think you need super powers to do that. Through deductive reasoning, I have determined that Addy is a superhero. My best friend is a superhero. I thought it would be cool to know a superhero, but once I realized he uses his powers to help himself only, instead of others, I got over it.

Thank goodness I got that out of the way so I can bring up the main topic of this post. Has anyone seen that fairly new Pizza Hut commercial that has been airing for the last few weeks? It has two little leaguers talking about how losing isn't bad because their coach takes them to Pizza Hut afterwards. Don't try and tell me it's supposed to be light-hearted and funny. Make a joke about something that doesn't give losing a thumbs up. What kind of message are we sending to America's youth with this crap? What kind of people work for Pizza Hut advertising? How did they get their jobs? I bet it wasn't with that attitude.

'Oh darn! They didn't go for our ad pitch and now we are homeless and jobless. Don't worry, once I have a slice of pepperoni lovers, it won't matter anymore! Who cares if we lost the job!? Someone will take care of us, even if we can't do it ourselves. Someone will pay for my gas and my mortgage, it'll be like Christmas!'

Sorry I blew up. Maybe I'm overreacting (although highly unlikely). I need one of my three readers to weigh in on this and tell me I'm not crazy.*

*Hint - That means if you think I am crazy, keep your opinion to yourself.

I Love My Frogs!

2010-06-26T00:30:00.018-05:00

The College World Series has been going on since last Saturday and what a glorious few days it has been. This may be the best time of year in Omaha, and I was lucky enough to be able to share it with some of my closest friends. Addy, SSWY, and Jum all made the trek from their respective regions of the country to celebrate NCAA Baseball's best student athletes and the last CWS at Omaha's Rosenblatt Stadium. Remember, the NCAA clearly is about academics first and foremost. Then, if there's time, they try and squeeze in some athletics.

Jum and I had some CWS experience, but Addy and SSWY were rookies and anxious to get their feet wet. So anxious in fact was SSWY, he couldn't sleep Friday night. That may have been because he had to work late and then drive to Omaha so he could join us at our tailgate at 8 AM. Fantastic effort SSWY. Give him a round of applause. Saturday was a good day and a lot of stuff happened. One thing that didn't happen, was us getting kicked out or even slightly bothered by the tailgate security/police. Despite the new security measures that were implemented for the last CWS at Rosenblatt, we were able to stick it to the NCAA for about 12 straight hours on Saturday. While SSWY and Jum had to return home on Sunday, Addy and I stuck around to do it all over again on Monday, before his flight home. Come to think of it, we didn't do too bad of a job on Sunday either, but that's for another time.

As we are entering the tailgate lot with 1,000,000 other cars, we blasted some vuvezelas from Addy's iPhone app and we bumped Supwitchugirl's 'I Love My Ducks' with some slight lyrical changes. Instead of 'I smell roses,' we belted out 'I smell Rosenblatt.' Instead of 'I love my Ducks,' we rocked 'I love Horned Frogs.' That was the team's bandwagon we decided to jump on. We jumped on it all the way.

Soon after we parked, we became friends with the 10 middle aged ladies directly next to us. Soon after that, a catchphrase for the day was born. As SSWY pulled of his hat in a quick like motion, his sunglasses flew off, and one of the ear pieces detached from the rest of the frame. Before you could say 'I love Horned Frogs!' one of the ladies was at SSWY's side fixing it. When she handed the glasses back to him she said, 'Easy Trigger,' which triggered raucous laughter from the rest of us (pun intended).

Of course it wasn't enough to just tell people we were TCU fans, we had to show people. We accomplished that by purchasing four Horned Frog hats. The die-hard fans/vets of CWS (Jum and I) also were sporting some fantastically purple shirts.

I was getting made fun of for my stylish faded tank. Naturally, I told the boys that I was ripping the sleeves off my brand new TCU shirt before I got out of the store. Don't hate my arms because they love the sun.

Now we had our tailgate spot held down and we had our team gear; there was only one thing left to do, sit down and take it all in. There were good tunes, good company, good weather, and most importantly, good beverages flowing for most the rest of the day. Addy and SSWY got some free tix to go and check out the inside of Rosenblatt, which was something that wasn't actually planned as a Saturday activity, so that was nice. Good for the rooks. By the way, the view is breathtaking; I'm surprised they even game back to the tailgate.

We were making some bloodies throughout the day, so this line from a Bloomington Bros. video (about 20 sec mark) started being repeated quite a bit, 'Wait a second....... a little BM?' Later on, Addy and I began a great rendition of Go Cubs Go at the top of our lungs because the guy next to us was leaving, and he just so happened to have a cubs shirt on. Makes sense right? We ended up closing down Pauli's (a big CWS bar), dodging a major bullet (thanks Karma), and crushing some Taco Bell (2nd night in a row). I can't say enough about the solid performance from 8 AM to 2 AM, all the way around. Bravo boys and girls. It's too bad we lost two boys on Sunday, because the party was just getting started....

Lookin' good fellas. Thanks for bringin' the 'A' game.

Meow, T Fell, The K, and me.

2010-06-15T11:00:00.012-05:00

A few weekends ago, my favorite baseball team was playing a weekend series against the Kansas City Royals down at The K. Now, The K is no Target Field, but it is a beautiful ballyard and I enjoy watching games there for a few reasons. A) The Royals haven't exactly enjoyed what one would call success for a few years now, thus leaving the stands fairly empty, allowing us to buy the cheapest tickets available and sit basically wherever we please, B) It is quite a nice park and the setting of my first outdoor MLB game after countless games in the now former Twins 'ballpark' (I use the term ballpark very loosely), and C) Chili Cheese Fries (thanks Jum Hammonds).

The boys (Meow and T Fell) and I made the trip down on a Saturday morning for a 6:10 start. The forecast originally had rain scheduled but had changed during the week to a beautiful, sunny and 70 forecast. Naturally when we hit the MO border, the rain started falling. Fortunately we didn't care if it rained on our parade. If anything, it made us more determined to have a good time. We did just that.

Beginning of the K-C sucks chant

It happened to be Zack Greinke bobblehead day (BONUS!) and despite us entering the park five minutes before first pitch, all three of us got a souvenir. Way to support your staff Ace, Royals fans! As you may be able to tell from the video and that great pic of me on the cooler, we were feeling no pain as the game started. That all changed very quickly for Meow. I'm going to say it was in the middle of the 2nd inning when we saw and heard some fireworks, but it wasn't from a player hitting a home run. These particular fireworks were in the stands, in our row and aisle. Some of the fireworks even hit me! Meow decided to listen to the roar of the crowd from our tailgate spot for the remainder of the game, which went 12 innings in a Twins victory. All in all, a great success. I may have even caught a little shut-eye between pitches.

It's amazing that he saw less than 2 innings of ball. Looks like a champ in this pic.

Moral of the story: Drink Keystone Ice in moderation

A Dream So Real

2010-06-14T22:00:00.005-05:00

I had a dream a short time ago and I figured it was worth mentioning in this well read publication. It was the best dream I’ve ever had in my life, and I know what you’re thinking so get your mind out of the gutter. You know how sometimes you have dreams that seem so real, but when you try and tell someone about it, the details escape you? This dream was nothing like that. I still remember every moment as if it really happened.

It was early morning, I had just woken up from a glorious slumber, and I found myself feeling excited. I found myself so excited I could hardly sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it was the excitement only a baseball fan can feel. Why was I excited? Maybe it was because it was a Monday and I wasn’t going to work. Maybe it was because I wasn’t waking up alone on this particular morning (Addy was sharing the bed). Maybe it was because I was extremely psyched for the Diet Mtn Dew breakfast I was about to have. All those things probably played a minor part in my excitement, but the real reason was something that I’d been counting down to since August 30, 2007. After 957 days, the time had finally arrived. Did I mention I was excited?

As the bus whisked my boy Addy and me away towards our destination, our smiles grew so wide that nothing, not even a little rain, could wipe them from our faces. We arrived at the greatest place in the world shortly after 8 AM. We were a liiiiiitle e-a-r-l-y for the day’s event, but we didn’t mind, there were plenty of activities to keep us busy for the next four hours.

As the time approached Addy and I decided to talk to the media about this joyous occasion. We did an interview with the local newspaper and even got some TV time. We did our best to take it all in from start to finish. There were multiple videos shot and hundreds of pictures taken even before the event began. Looking back, I only wish there would have been more time. Although there seemed to be plenty of time, it all flew by so quickly.

When the doors opened, the first of many climactic moments brought on a feeling of pure elation set in, and my passion bucket began to overflow. Addy and I were now joined by Ant, and as we walked around the glorious structure, it was a real dream like feeling. Now I know that this is already a dream I am describing, so yes, I am saying that in my dream it was so surreal, I was in a dream-like state. Ya dig? The sights, the sounds, the aromas I saw, heard, and smelled that day will forever be etched in my memory.

As the event wore on for another three hours or so, I kept waiting to wake up from this dream, but I never did. I'm still waiting to wake up. I'm not sure what I experienced was reality, and yet all signs are still indicating it was reality. A dream-like reality that I don't ever want to wake up from. I guess that means, I lived the dream. Chances to live your dreams don't come around but once in a lifetime. I took advantage of my chance, and if you have 13 and 1/2 minutes of your life to spare, let me share a little part of the dream I lived. Enjoy. (No you don't have to sign up for anything, just press play until it does, and close any pop-up windows because they are worthless)

Happy Birthday SSWY! (re-do)

2010-03-09T22:30:00.012-06:00

A couple weekends ago was the official birthday weekend for my boy SSWY. We had tried to celebrate it once before, but the birthday boy wasn’t present (that didn’t stop us though). Addy and I were again participating members in the celebration but, we lost DC, added SSWY, and added another fellow whom I will refer to as Dr. P (the P doesn't stand for Pepper). Last Friday also happened to be Dr. P’s birthday. The reason for choosing that particular weekend, aside from the birthday stuff, was that the Phoenix Open was taking place. The Phoenix Open is a golf tournament in Scottsdale, but it’s not quite what you’d expect from a regular golf tournament. Think of the atmosphere at the tournaments after Happy Gilmore joined the tour and then substitute the white trashy people with female ASU students in suggestive clothing and 30 to 40 something divorcés with certain body enhancements, then multiply by 36-24-36. It’s quite a scene.

The 16th hole, nicknamed the ThunderDome as it is completely surrounded by grandstands, is a par 3 that attracts much of the attention during the tournament. Shots on the green will bring vigorous cheers, while shots landing off the green will garner deafening boos. It’s unlike any other hole in golf. I am a big fan of golf and its traditions, one being the proper etiquette of the game, which this tournament clearly destroys. On the flip side, I also enjoy the party-like atmosphere and think that it is okay for one tournament to be set up like this. If the players and other fans attending know about it going in, they really can’t complain a whole lot. I can dig it.

Thursday was a pretty quick night. I got in at 10:30 and I had my game face partially on from the plane. Of course my plane was delayed out of Omaha so I made my connection in DFW by 2 minutes. I love airlines and their so-called ‘schedules’. Kudos to DFW airport for its train that will take you anywhere in about 5-10 minutes, I wouldn’t have made it without you. After a safe arrival in PHX, the crew hit In-N-Out Burger for some deliciousness that is the Double-Double, Animal Style. After that meal, I could have flown home and been pretty happy about my trip.

Later, we hit Mill Ave. and were asked if we supported hip-hop. Naturally, I have 2 new CDs by R-tistic for the wonderful price of $5. The guy even did a little freestyle on the street for us. Much later on, we crushed some Hungry Howie’s Pizza with the flavored crust. I pass on my high recommendation. SSWY, the original birthday boy had an awesome time that night. He showed just how awesome it was with a colorful spewing of fireworks in the parking ramp of Addy’s apartment complex, much like DC did back in December. I think he wanted to show us how much pizza he had eaten during the car ride home. He also made an attempt to put some mardi-gras beads on Addy’s antelope mount, but in the process he knocked it off the wall. The remainder of the night was spent watching the Bloomington Bros. on YouTube while SSWY and Dr. P passed out together on the couch. I watched hysterically as Addy put a Snuggie on an unresponsive SSWY before we went to bed.

Friday morning came pretty quickly. If we wanted the car for the day, someone had to drop Addy off at work. That someone was me and I was ready to roll at 6:50. Lucky for me, Addy only lives 5 minutes from work. Also, lucky for me, there was pizza leftover in the fridge. Not so lucky for me, SSWY’s puke pile was outside the driver’s side back door and was hard to tip-toe past to get in the car. While Addy was at work, the plan was to climb Camelback since SSWY missed out last time. SSWY, Dr. P, and I made it up and down in about 1.25 hours without much trouble or unusual excitement. We did however develop a game for the weekend which involved calling out 'Authentic' or 'Enhanced' anytime a questionable pair went by. When the latter came by it was kind of like this.

I'm not sure what we did for the rest of the afternoon, but it was fairly uneventful. Friday night was where things started happening. There was a plan to attend the Suns game, so we got to the arena around the start of the 2nd quarter to get some cheap seats from a scalper. Addy worked his magic and we bought seats that the scalper claimed were a $51 facevalue but were actually a $14 facevalue. Our initial offer was $20 total, to his $20 a pop. He actually said this to us, '..c'mon guys, it's the Clippers!' as if that would make us want to pay MORE for the tickets. What a clown. Either way, we were planning on sitting on the floor so $10 would be just fine for the value we would soon be getting. Unless an event is sold out, we rarely sit in our own seats. We try and find the best open seats available, everytime. Tonight was no different, but I've never had such a problem getting past the ushers. It was half way in to the 2nd quarter and the lower level had empty seats everywhere yet, some ushers were insisting on checking our tickets. As you can see below, they couldn't stop us, they could only hope to contain us.

After the game it was time to get some wings and more beer. One of our favorite places to accomplish that task is at the local Hooters. We did just that and it was glorious. Dr. P did a little birthday dance, 50 wings were consumed, and good times were had by all.

Before I go any further, there are a couple of odd and interesting things you need to know about Dr. P. He says ‘That’s what she said’ after anything, no matter the context.

Sample dialogue:

Me: My friend has cancer.
Dr. P: That’s what she said.

He says it so much that of course he hits the mark occasionally. When he does, it’s pretty comical. I usually laugh out loud, which only encourages the Doctah. Also, for a reason I will never know, Dr. P likes to say things like ‘Ho ho butter’ or ‘Ho ho margarine’ or any combination of the words ho ho, butter, and margarine. I think it falls under one of those don’t ask, don’t tell situations, so I don't ask. The frequency of these sayings only increases with adult beverage consumption. Imagine never-ending comments like that for the entire weekend. It’s exhausting hanging out with the kid sometimes, but there is never a dull moment.

After the game I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but the end of the story starts at Majerle's Sports Grill. After we sat at the table for 10 minutes without saying a word, SSWY decides to buy the next round. After ordering four BL smoothies at the bar, the bartender asks who they were for. SSWY turns to the table and sees Addy with his head down, Dr. P passing out with his head in his hands, and me doing nothing out of the ordinary. The bartender promptly carded all of us. What seemed like hours later, I started pouring salt on Dr. P's head while he was passing out, which led to Addy pouring pepper in his hair, which led to a fullout sugar packet fight, where Addy and Dr. P ripped open every sugar packet on the table and poured/threw it at eachother, which led to us being told by a manager 'I think it's time you guys called it a night.' Whoops-a-daisy...

We wandered around downtown for awhile where we may have had the biggest laugh of the night. Some guy was driving down the road yelling out the window 'Honk if you like cheese! I like cheese!' Dr. P chimed right in with 'Jeez, ho ho I like margarine, but I don't spread it around.' This line sent some guy walking near us into convulsions he was laughing so hard. He didn't even know Dr. P and he was ROFL, so imagine how hard we were LOLing! (I hate those text abreviations.)

After we returned to home base, a frozen pizza was put in the oven. Evidently, 15 minutes was too long for me to wait before crashing. When SSWY woke me up with a slice while I was laying in bed, I instructed him to put it in my hand. Two seconds later I fell asleep with the pizza in my hand and SSWY put it back on the plate and left it at the head of the bed for me to find in the morning.

With that I'll stop because I have a habit of telling too many details, which makes these posts get a liiiiiittle L-O-N-G. There are some other stories from the rest of the weekend that need telling, but I feel like it would take me 1,300 more words and I just don't have the power right meow.

Curling Rocks!

2010-03-04T18:00:00.007-06:00

The 2010 Winter Games are over, but just like four years ago in Torino, the nation was captivated by the little known game of curling. It's funny how the Olympics do that; make sports like curling and speed-skating relevant, even if for only 16 days. I don't get it, but I like it. I like it a lot. I can't help but get into rooting for USA! I was jumping off the couch with excitement during the one victory I witnessed for USA men's curling. Jumping up and down and curling aren't typically words that go together, but that’s what I do; I like to mix it up a bit. Only when you try something out of the ordinary, can you hope for extraordinary things to come about, and that my friends, is when dreams come true.

Despite all of my efforts mixing it up to make our curling dreams come true (for the record, I’m assuming you all had great aspirations for USA curling in these Olympics), the team proceeded to choke in every imaginable sense of the word. It was so bad, after starting 0-4 the team benched their Skip for a match. Benched in curling, talk about a donkey punch in the stones. The guy had 4 or 5 last shots to win matches in those first four games. How many do you think he made? The performance was even bad enough to coin a new term based on the Skip’s name, John Shuster. Now if you really screw something up, you Shustered it. Sample sentence: I can’t believe Lindsey Jacobellis lost a gold medal while show-boating in the Torino sno-cross. She really Shustered the shit outta that one! Feel free to comment with one of your best Shuster moments. One time I tried to thaw out the plastic milk jug by putting it on the stove. I really Shustered that one.

Get off your knees Shuster, you're blowin' the game!

You may wonder why I take any kind of interest in curling. Let me enlighten you. Aside from the fact that it is awesome, curling is very big in my hometown. You could say it is the curling hotbed of America. Five total players on the 2006 USA men's and women's curling team in Torino are from my hometown. Curling was offered as a gym class in high school. The Skip of the '06 games, Pete Fenson (aka MVPete) is the owner of the best pizza place in America, with one of its two locations in my hometown. We love us some curling up in the great white North and it shows. Congrats on your bronze medal, Pete and Joe. Too bad John Shustered the team and broke off on his own.

Joe Polo, MVPete, Jamie and Cassie Johnson, Scott Baird, and The Godfather of Curling: Jim 'V' Variano

It sure was a great finale to see USA vs. USA Jr. slug it out in one of the best hockey games ever played. I really would have liked to see a different outcome, but the real winners here were the fans. I just wanted to see a good game, win or lose. As Rasheed Wallace said, 'both teams played hard.' That's a bold faced lie, who am I kidding? I wish we would have pounded those poutine eating foreigners (sorry GLVJ)! I blame the loss on my boy Addy, and anyone else who may have made a comment about Sidney Crosby being a ghost on the ice during the game. I certainly thought about it, but I didn’t say it out loud. Hello! Talk about your all time jinxes. If you made a comment about Crosby not being a factor during the game, you really Shustered that one. Why do you hate America?

I still believe in miracles Al, and you still give me the chills when you ask me, everytime.

Buyer Beware!

2010-01-28T20:30:00.010-06:00

My friend, who shall remain nameless in this story, sent me an email with a link to Apple’s new electronic contraption called the iPad. The message in the email started out with this: The wait is over! I thought to myself, what wait? I wasn’t waiting for anything. Was anyone else waiting for something? I may have heard of it awhile back, and I’m sure it received the same reaction from me then, as it did now. It looks impressive. Keyword = looks.

I just don’t see what it’s supposed to be. What is it replacing? How is this device making my life better? Is it a phone? No. It is everything but a phone. Where have I seen THAT before? An iPod touch maybe? So Apple made a bigger iPod touch or as the world is now calling it, a giPod* (pronounced jī – păhd), and changed one letter in the name. It seems to me that Apple ran out of ideas so they decided to create this monstrosity that looks impressive, but has no practical use unless of course, we were a planet of giants! We are not a planet of giants, yet. A guy can dream can't he? I mean, how cool would it be if we were giants? This giPod would actually be practical and the OLD iPod would be too small and outdated. Maybe apple is just ahead of its time on this one. Anyways, back to the point....

What features does the giPod have that make it different from the current iPod? There are a couple that I did see, but they are only there to make the giPod more like a laptop, which is great, if you don’t have a laptop and like 9.7-inch screens with only 64 GB of max memory.

Different features that make giPod better:

Bigger screen - If there is a size that is too big, this is it. Just big enough to not fit in your pocket, so it requires a protective case when transporting around, like a laptop. If you have to carry it around like a laptop then it might as well be normal laptop. I can see where they went wrong with this idea. If we watch a movie or TV, what do we want to watch it on? A bigger screen. If we want to surf the internet on our computer, what do we want to surf it on? A bigger screen. What could make the iPod touch better? A bigger.... wait, we've sold over 250 million iPods**, maybe the screen size isn't the problem (is there even a problem?).

Keyboard plug-in dock - If the touch screen keyboard is so fantastic, why on earth would this even be an option? Answer: The keyboard isn't big enough. Now if you want to dock your giPod to a keyboard, you are carrying a laptop that has two pieces. Is that progress?

iBooks - Awesome, you can have all your books on here and read them anytime you want. How many books can you read at once? I can only read one, so I don't see the advantage of carrying them all around at once. Oh yeah, don't forget, you can't put the books you already own on there. You have to buy them. Basically, this thing puts books at your fingertips so Apple can bank more coin. Also, don't get too far away from an outlet when you are reading, I doubt the battery lasts long enough for your entire read. My trusty paperback doesn't need to recharge.

3G coverage - This isn't even available on the $499 version. If you want it, you have to pay over $800 so you might as well buy a laptop. Also, 3G coverage is a data plan that is sold separately (of course that goes conveniently unmentioned in the promo), exactly like paying for the internet at your house, or on your cell phone (except you can't call or text people).

You need to watch the promo video on the giPod so you can laugh at the other things they talk about i.e. the calendar "We've created a calendar application like nothing you've ever seen on a computer before." Really? What can you possibly do to make a calendar better? IT'S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE! I also like the guy talking about the video application, "You see something, you touch it and it just starts playing!" That's funny, because when I click on movies on my computer, somewhere in the world, a butterfly loses its wings.

Let's break it down real quick. Apple tries to consider the giPod a better laptop but it just isn't. It tries to be small enough so it can be considered easily portable, but it just isn't for the simple fact that it doesn't fit in your pocket. The giPod is in a sizewise no-man's land. I could literally go on and on about how ridiculous this thing is, but I'll give it a rest, for now. I'm sure it will sell. People always want to have the coolest new thing. I'll admit, I want it right meow. I might even buy it if my prediction below doesn't come true in 6-8 months. For now though, I'm going to appeal to my logical side until I win the lottery.

Obviously this is a test on the intelligence of the human race, some sort of massive, electronically sophisticated social experiment. I believe that there is more to it though; there is a greater meaning behind it, aside from pointing out the morons in the world. Someone is using this giPod to easily identify people in the world who don’t deserve to live. What am I saying? Read between the lines. I’m saying that buying a giPod is like signing your own death sentence. I don't know who is behind this yet, but I like it.

*Copyright Dangelhoff 2010
**Apple CEO Jobs, Steve 2010

The Open Road

2010-01-07T23:03:00.009-06:00

Christmas is a time for family. It brings people together. It’s a time for honoring traditions, whether it be a delicious meal of chicken stuffed manicotti on Christmas Eve or celebrating Jesus’ birthday at a local watering hole. This year, a new tradition was born unlike any other. It involved family and bringing people together, much in line with the spirit of Christmas. It started by way of carrying out a different tradition, and so the tale begins…

It was the Wednesday before Christmas; my brother and I were shopping for some last second gifts at Wal-Mart (Christmas Tradition!). My bro, a famous procrastinator*, pretty much asks me in the store what I want and buys it on the spot. He always tries to hide it at the checkout even though I'm standing right there, bless his heart.

*He once wrapped a shoebox with a $20 taped to the inside of the lid.

Sorry Brasha, the stores closed on me. Merry Xmas. What's thin and green and on Christmas can get you anytheen? Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll.

As we are perusing through the DVD section, I spot a particularly intriguing film and check it out in more detail. There were a couple reasons why it was intriguing to me: A) it was starring Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges, and B) despite the semi-high profile actors/celebrities, I hadn’t ever heard of it. After further inspection, we saw that JT’s love interest in the film is the chick from Shooter (Kate Mara). You may know her as E’s new secretary on Entourage or as the widowed fiancé in We Are Marshall. Her being in the movie was enough for my bro to immediately insist that we buy it. I was quick to oblige him.

That's hot.

Obviously this movie was a straight to DVD release, if not, it was one of those playing in ‘select’ cities. It couldn’t have come to my city, I would have remembered. My bro and I knew what we were getting in to. I told him the movie was going to go one of two ways, depending on our attitude. We were determined to make it an AWESOME experience.

I like JT as an actor. I’ve seen Alpha Dog and from what I remember he held his own. Also, his skits on SNL are hilarious. Jeff Bridges is The DUDE so obviously he isn’t a stranger to comedy. The movie was dubbed a comedy, and we were ready to laugh, but we figured we needed some help (see: straight to DVD release comedy). We couldn’t just watch the movie like any other film, with some popcorn and candy, so we decided that the only way to guarantee the movie didn't make me stab my eyes out, was to develop an adult beverage consumption game to play while we watched. That is exactly what we did.

After only reading the back of the movie case, it was somewhat difficult to develop the rules of the game. We knew that JT was a minor league baseball player, and that he hadn’t seen his father (Bridges) in 5 years. Bridges was a good ol' boy, a boozer, womanizer, and a retired MLB player. Here are the rules we started with:

1. Someone says JT’s character name (Carlton) – 1 drink
2. JT strikes someone out (we guessed he was a pitcher) – 2 drinks
3. JT gives up a bomb (or anyone hits a bomb) – 5 drinks
4. When JT and Bridges are reunited, you must drink from the time they both see each other until one of them speaks
5. You had to be drinking anytime JT and Kate Mara were making out

As it turns out the only baseball in the movie is shown in the first 30 seconds, and JT is not a pitcher. We did get to use rule 3 once as there was a highlight of Bridges hitting a homer, but rule 2 never came in to play. Much to our chagrin, neither did rule 5 (on camera at least). Those were minor speed bumps. As we got more of a feel for the characters, new rules developed quickly. Here are the rules we ended with, in addition to one through five:

6. Random famous people in the movie that we didn’t previously know about – 5 drinks
7. Bridges tells a joke – 1 drink
8. Bridges uses an analogy – 1 drink
9. My bro or I call any part of the plot – 10 drinks

Rules 6-9 pretty much made the movie. Rule 6 was made after Ted Danson was the minor league manager in the first scene of the movie. Later, Lyle Lovett made an appearance as a bartender. It was clear 2 minutes after meeting Bridges' character, that rule 7 and 8 were essential to the enjoyment of the film. Jeff Bridges was not talking in this movie if he wasn’t telling a joke or using some kind of metaphor or simile, usually combining the two for a double whammy. Rule 9 was added so we could make nonstop predictions for a chance to consume more.

Sample prediction: My bro called that they would show a camera shot of cows while they were driving down the middle of a country road, and literally 3 seconds after he said that, there was a shot of a countryside pasture with about 30 cows grazing. It doesn’t seem like that was very difficult prediction now, but at the time it was the greatest call of the century. We yelled so loud that I think we woke my sister, who was 1 floor up and at the other end of the house.

It took us roughly three hours to finish the 90 minute movie because we had become, hmmm how shall I put this lightly, oh yes I’ve got the correct word now, drunk. We had to keep re-watching parts because we didn’t hear what joke Bridges was telling or we needed to see the shot of JT and Kate Mara’s faces in the car to confirm that they hooked up the night before (even though it wasn’t shown) validating our plot prediction, thus making use of rule 9.

The great part about rule 9 was, if both parties were in agreement that the plot was correctly predicted, we had 10 drinks. As it turns out, my bro and I were really seeing eye to eye that night (see: bro’s cow call scene). You could say we were really 'n' sync..... a-thank-you. We had polished off a 5th of Bacardi and were well in to part of a 1.75 by the 45 minute mark, just to give you an idea of how many jokes Bridges was telling. In fact, we were so torn up, we had finished watching the movie and were naturally on youtube watching JT’s SNL skits when we realized we didn’t remember how the movie ended sooooooo, we watched the last 25 minutes again. True story.

I can’t say for sure whether or not any of you will have the same experience we did. It depends on your attitude and how strong you mix your drinks. I can say for sure that I had an awesome time, and that I recommend this activity to anyone up for the ride of a lifetime. Maybe you had to be there. All I know is that I was there and I had to tell the world.

I can't figure out which one is photo-shopped. The one with Bridges smiling? Or the one with him pissed off. The bottom one definitely screams COMEDY!

2009, it's been real. It's been fun. It's been REAL FUN!

2009-12-31T12:35:00.003-06:00

Recently, my boy Addy D joined the working world after finishing his grand and adventurous college experience. He chose his 1st big boy job in Phoenix, AZ, mostly due to the weather and Cactus League baseball. Naturally, a visit to the southwest was in order soon after the transition, to check out his situation and bring some enthusiasm to his life via the Big Guy Express. I have been a part of the so-called ‘Real World’ for 18 months now and I still don’t know what the big deal is. Can anybody tell me how getting paid to do the same work you did in college with no tests and no homework is worse than college itself? Anyone? Bueller?

Here’s the deal, I’ll give my take on why it is much better to be a working stiff vs. a college student simply based on the places I’ve been in the last 12 months. If you can make an argument for the other side, feel free to give it a shot. It seems fitting, as this will be my last post of 2009, to have a little recap of my travels around the country. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but, let’s call it what it is, exactly that. I even surprised myself after I compiled the list. So here goes….TOOT! TOOT! (This post was originally going to be about what happened in AZ with Addy and DC, and maybe some Christmas highlights but I don’t know if I’ll get to that now. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time. Sometimes these posts have a mind of their own).

Places I’ve been for leisure in 2009:

The Vegas (New Years 2009), Winter Park (Feb. Ski trip), OK City (Mar. Cowboy search), MSP* (6th consecutive Twins home opener), Dallas (April new ballpark trip), Bemidji* (May Memorial Day weekend), MSP* (May Bro/Sis b-day Twins game), Boston (May DMB shows), Boston (4th of July), Chicago (July Cubs/Cards at Wrigley), Roseau* (Aug. Wedding), Bemidji* (Aug. vacation week), MSP* (Sep. Gopher football) Des Moines* (Sept. DMB show), MSP* (49ers vs. Vikes), Kansas City* (Sept. DMB show), Grand Forks* (Oct. Gopher/Sioux hockey), MSP* (Oct. Gopher football/Halloween), Orlando (Nov. caddie for my Aunt’s Future’s Tour qualifier), Lawrence (Nov. Husker/KU football), Bemidji* (Turkey Day), Phoenix (Dec. Shawn’s b-day celebration), Bemidji* (Christmas).

Places I’ve been for work in 2009:

Wichita (58 days over seven months), Panama City, FLA (19 days during July and August), The Vegas (5 days in August).

* These places aren’t really special because of their location (since they are cities in my home state and the place I went to college) but, I’ve included them because of the distance I did travel to reach them. Once I got further in to this post it changed again from trying to prove how being a working stiff is better than a college student to finding out how many miles I've traveled in the 2009 calendar year. What a turn of events. If only someone took the time to google map that information and display it in an easy to read format. Oh wait! I already did that.

The Vegas - 1,287 mi. (I only drove one way, accompanying Addy on his way to AZ for his internship)
Winter Park, CO - 1,196 mi. roundtrip
OK City - from Wichita 320 mi. roundtrip
MSP - 780 mi. roundtrip times 5 = 3,900 mi.
Dallas - from Wichita 740 mi. roundtrip
Bemidji - 1,142 mi. roundtrip times 2.5 = 2,855
Chicago - 994 mi. roundtrip
Roseau - Omaha/Roseau/Bemidji/Wright/MSP route 1,024 mi.
Kansas City - 400 mi. roundtrip

Grand Forks - 1,110 mi. roundrtip

Lawrence - 450 mi. roundtrip

Add those all up and I have willingly spent approximately 14,276 miles in the car. Couple that with my air miles:

Vegas to Omaha – 1,100 mi.
Omaha to Boston – 2,560 mi. roundtrip times 2 = 5,120
MSP to Orlando – 2,620 mi. roundtrip
Wichita to Phoenix – 871 mi.
Phoenix to Omaha – 1,040 mi.

Total leisure highway miles and air miles equals 25,027. Now, if you’re like me, numbers like that don’t really mean much unless there is a comparative figure. As it turns out, I've thought of everything today. The circumference of the Earth is 24,860 miles. I circumnavigated the globe just during my spare time. Remember that book Around the World in 80 Days? According to my rough estimations, I would have done it in 40 days. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Now getting back to the second point of this post, there is no way I could have enjoyed all that awesomeness traveling around the country as a poor college student. I did go on some great trips but most were funded by other means. As I said before, make your argument if you have one. Maybe it starts being the 'Real World' when you get married and have kids, which in turn sucks all of your extra flow in to real expenses. That must be it.

Finally, I'll come full circle and say that I had a great time in Phoenix celebrating Shawn's birthday with DC and Addy. Unfortunately for Shawn, he was unable to attend his own birthday weekend celebration due to some miscommunication in the Whiting family. Despite missing the birthday boy, we tried to make the most of it. We paid tribute to our missing friend with every drink or shot with this toast: Here's to Shawn! Happy Birthday!

The trip was an all around great time but one story sticks out in my mind. We didn't really have a plan for Saturday afternoon so when talks of summiting the great Camelback Mountain came about, we thought, why not? How hard can it be? It won't take us very long, right? We certainly won't be coming down in the dark, right? Well, to answer the last three questions: harder than we thought, longer than we thought, and yes we would be coming down in the dark.

It took us a good 1.5 hours to get to the top and, not that you need climbing gear or anything, I was not in the right attire (or the right shape) for that kind of activity. Most everyone climbing it had on athletic gear, weren't carrying cameras, and had water bottles. After a look around at the top and some nice photogs, we began our descent with the sun near setting. Quite soon it was dark and we were having trouble staying on the so-called path. Halfway down, Addy realizes that his watch broke and fell off his wrist. Addy and DC decide to go back for it, in the dark, with only a vague idea of where it fell off. I took this opportunity to inform them that I would be staying in my current location, for safety reasons. How were they to find the way down if I wasn't there as a guiding light? Obviously the real reasons I wasn't going back up was because I gave them a negative 3000% chance of finding the watch and I simply didn't want to climb back up the steepest part of the mountain given the chances of success. I even included Shawn, telling him of the situation via text message. Here's our conversation:

Me: We climbed camelback mnt and made it half way back down when addy realized his watch fell off somewhere. Its dark and they went back for it. Might not make it

Shawn: Wow. addy would do that. watch out for rattlers.

Me: Ridiculous. Isnt that watch from [ex-girlfriend]? I say good riddance.

Shawn: I'd leave it too.

Me: We could come back tomorrow and look in the light. Its pretty treacherous, especially in the dark. I cant see shit

Shawn: Are u at the bottom?

Me: I'm where addy realized he lost it. U rnt gonna believe it but someone founmd it and they r almost back to me

Shawn: So your only half way down? criminy x mas trees. u best be cussing them out. i cant have them falling off a mtn on my bday trip that im not on. blundercity.

Me: No worries mate. We got down safely. Saved a chicks life and got a $50 parking ticket for being in there past sunset. All in a good hike

Well that text convo pretty much wraps up the story. Happy New Year!!

Near the bottom. I still thought it was going to be a walk in the park. Anyone see Addy? I do!

TEAMWORK! (See! Tougher than we thought.)

All fun and games until the sun goes down...

At Four Peaks Brewing Co., a Mesa Vikings bar

Who got this hip hop on lock hit? Kozmic Prophet.

2009-12-08T23:04:00.015-06:00

I was recently jamming to my music on shuffle when a song came up that brought back some good memories. It took me back to last February when some friends and I were on a little ski trip in Colorado. I was separated from the rest of the crew for some reason, wandering aimlessly. Little did I know my life was about to change. Down at the base of the mountain, I was approached by a prophet but, not just any prophet, Kozmic Prophet. Who is Kozmic Prophet? Kozmic Prophet is so many things, a rapper, an entertainer, a fellow snowboarder but, mostly he is a guy that peddles his demo CDs to people at the base of Winter Park Mountain.

He caught my attention with this opening line, 'Hey man, do you want to support the local hip hop community?' Tractor beam, sucked me right in. The main reason I was so intrigued is because I was asked the same question just 1.5 months prior in The Vegas while walking in to a liquor store on New Year's Eve. I guess I just look like a gangsta, I mean, as gangsta as a white boy in cargo shorts and a polo can look. In Vegas, I simply nodded and kept on walking. I treated this second encounter slightly different. I couldn't get asked that question twice in a lifetime and not take the opportunity to give my full support on both occasions. I felt like I owed something to the hip hop culture.

After the Prophet gave me a little rundown of what he does, he showed me his CD. He told me it was 'pure fire' or something very close to that. He was very enthusiastic and as you may know, I thrive on that. I asked how much it would take to support his community. He told me $5. SOLD! I had to carry it in my jacket for the rest of the day while I snowboarded because it was morning when I bought it. I had soon forgotten of my purchase but, imagine my suprise and excitement when I found that little gem in my pocket that night. It was close to the excitement level I reach when we play 'The Warrior' on repeat at the bar. Extremely high. We returned to the condo that night, the disc was played and it was played LOUDLY. We bumped those tracks on repeat for hours. I recommend 'The Next Level,' it's my jam.

I have to admit that I didn't purchase the CD for the musical value (which I was pleasantly suprised by) but, more for the story I would someday be able to tell about it. That day has arrived. I hope you enjoyed. I waited this long because I hoped Kozmic could get off the ground and onto the airwaves alone but, after almost a year, it's clear he needs my help*. I put Dan Patrick on the map, why not Kozmic Prophet.

I have one more exercise for you all. Close your eyes and purge your thoughts of everything. Now, think of the Kozmic Prophet. Picture him in your head. If you are picturing a freckled, red-headed, white guy, the Prophet himself has spoken to you. If not, shame on you!

I really like the lyrics in the song 'Datz Wack' (not listed above)

*Turns out he doesn't need my help as much as I thought! I found his album on iTunes for $9.99! Looks like I got the deal of a lifetime!

Don't read if thirsty

2009-12-04T20:37:00.026-06:00

The Thanksgiving weekend was an enjoyable one. Despite the drive, I was able to arrive at 10 pm. Unfortuanely, the drive itself did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. I wasn't in a crash or got a speeding ticket (not that those things weren't well deserved) but, something happened that I feel was odd and extraordinary. It never happens to me and that is why I feel this story must be told.

There was an extremely uncomfortable, dare I say painful, stretch of my journey that spanned basically the entire state of South Dakota. As I left Omaha, or 'The HUH!!' as I like to call it, my silver chariot had just over a quarter tank of gas. This led me to have a planned stop in Sioux City or thereabouts to re-fuel and get some of my normal road trip drinks: diet mtn dew (it’s not mountain anymore folks, just look at the logo), Amp, Starbucks Frappachino, and Arizona Arnold Palmer Lite. Anytime I travel, some combination of these drinks will be consumed. Despite the amount of liquid I have on any given trip, I NEVER need to relieve myself outside the normal fuel stops that are necessary whilst driving long distances. I pride myself on that fact. I see it as a weakness and, if you are riding with me, I won't hesitate to ridicule you for your shortcomings. This stems from my father never stopping on road trips, which got me used to it, and from me wanting to get where I’m going absolutely as fast as possible, so I would hold it for hours at a time. It's almost as if my pride swells in unison with my bladder. Obviously being able to fight mother nature longer than the next guy makes you more of a man.

I figured my 2nd stop to be in Fargo which google maps tells me is 300 miles away from my aforementioned planned stop in Elk Point, SD where I did purchase fuel for the car and body. I must not have shook hands with the governor long enough at my stop because I had to go the second I got back on the interstate . Thinking about it right now makes me have to go. An hour or so later, I was considering going for the 1 liter DMD bottle. That's an easy move to pull off if you aren't driving but, since I was and I didn't want to risk missing my target, I held off. Even though I was feeling real pain and actually dancing around in my seat as I drove, I still thought it would pass and I could make it to Fargo even though I was a good 250 miles out. I really thought I could beat it and it kind of became a challenge. That's the kind of stubborness I have sometimes, usually about something little i.e. saving 7 minutes on an 8 hour drive home. It's important.

I finally broke down and stopped in Sisseton, SD (irony anyone?). That's 90 miles from Fargo. Imagine if I would have tried to hold it for another hour+. I might have exploded, quite possibly putting others on the road in danger. That's where I draw the line. I can endanger myself all I want but, I value the lives of others. What can I say, I'm a caring person. In the end the stop literally cost me 7 minutes. I was shaking hands with the governor for 6.5 of those minutes. That includes filling up with gas. I know one is supposed to wait for the pump to stop before going in but, obviously I was in crisis mode here, so the rulebook went out the window; sue me.

Now I realize that I have written 4 paragraphs on a pee story and I apologize. Here's something that sticks with the theme of this post to cheer you up. Some of you may be wondering if I learned my lesson. Seriously, you all should know better than that. Next time I will make it to Fargo. Mind over matter kids, that's all there is to it.

Getting back to the original intent of this post, which was to recap some of the Thanksgiving weekend. I did somewhat accomplish my goal of eating two Thanksgiving meals. I stated in my last post that I wanted to eat one meal, puke it all up, then go back for round two. Instead, I ate the amount of food that would normally be considered two Thanksgiving meals in the same time it took the rest of my fellow pilgrims to eat one Thanksgiving meal. I'd like to say the feat I pulled off is greater than my original goal but, after sleeping on it I've decided that the ralphing is really the toughest part to go through with and, since I failed to do that, my goal will live on.

My weekend can be summed up by a text I received from my boy Addy that read: 209, keg, and perkins for dusty tonight?

The 1st two are bars and the 2nd is the best place in America to get a chicken tender melt in the wee hours of the morning. Although I didn't make it to Keg, I did enjoy a tasty treat at Perkins which was, in a word, glorious. Another highlight of the trip home was the absolute destroyal of some Dave's pizza. It's a local diamond in the rough. Good times in B-town.

My brother told me a story that I had a hard time believing. He told me a random person came up to him and said 'I read your brother's blog.' So here's an experiment. If you read this post you must make some kind of comment. You don't have to have an account, anyone can do it. I suggest something light and fun. Sample comments: You are awesome and I love you! or I can't live without reading your brilliant writing, don't ever stop (that's what she said)! Anything to that effect would be super.

Soccer breakdown in 3, 2, 1...

2009-11-25T13:28:00.003-06:00

Thanksgiving is finally here and I can't tell you how badly I needed a holiday. This is the time of year where work seems to get less important for everyone and the shift of importance goes to eating and watching football. I like that shift. This time of year is awesome. My company has 8.5 paid holidays and 5.5 of them are crammed into the time between the last Thursday in November and the glorious 1st day of the new year. For those of you counting at home, that's 5.5 days out of what would normally be 27 work days. Three out of the next six weekends are the ever so coveted '4 day weekends.' My Minnesota High School math tells me that is half, or 50% in layman terms. Those are the kind of numbers I can deal with.

There are some downfalls to the next 27 days, however. Should I so choose to spend these holidays with my immediate family, I will have to make the 16 hour round trip up I-29 to the great white north for two of the three weekends. I suppose I could try and fly home, but that gets expensive, even for someone employed by Dan Patrick, and there is no guarantee that the plane will actually land in Bemidji (see paragraph 5). The possibility of a blizzard could strand me there (which wouldn't be so bad....no work!), but mostly it will force me to drive back in horrible conditions because I don't know when to admit defeat when regarding weather, which will put me in the ditch somewhere on White Earth Reservation. At some point I got it stuck in my head that my Grand Am has a 3.5 foot clearance with 4 wheel drive, kind of like a Hummer.

I am making the journey today, and to combat the drive I will be listening to the daily podcast of who else but DP. As I said before, it's radio gold. Once that is over and I still have 6 hours of driving left, I plan on watching some blu rays on my laptop. If that gets old/dangerous, I'll put iTunes on shuffle. Yes, you have that right, I don't have a working iPod, so my computer doubles as an iPod for long car trips. It's the only way to road trip in my opinion. iPod screens are way too small to watch movies while driving.

Anyways, wish me luck and I wish all 3 of my readers, dubbed the Dangelettes by Reggie Miller, (Meow, Jim, and SSWY) a Happy Turkey Day. Here's to eating one big meal, throwing it up, and going back for a second. That is one of my Turkey Day goals.

You may be wondering what the title of this post is referring to. Wonder no longer. Soccer breakdown in 3, 2, 1.

Arcade Fire!

2009-11-19T23:11:00.015-06:00

After a long, drawn-out, 46 day negotiation between DG (the talent) and Blogger© (upper management), a contract extension agreement has been reached that will keep a stream of impeccably written satire on the world wide interweb for the greater part of our lifetime. The original contract for blog author of These pretzels are makin’ me thirsty was set to expire at the end of 2009 but, due to the great success and massive cult following, the critically acclaimed writer demanded a mid-season re-negotiation of contract.
The details of the contract have not been released but sources close to DG say the demands were met. When asked of his demands DG was quoted as saying this, “I’m tired of people talking about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to write the blog, drink Pepsi, and wear Reebok. We [writers] might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money.” Obviously words to live by.
This hold-out during negotiations left many fans in a state of distress yet anxious for a deal to be reached. Not all readers were impressed, however, as shown by this man’s take on the situation, “What? The guy has eight posts and thinks he can make demands? That’s like if Joe Montana demanded a contract re-negotiation after his first completion in training camp. Grow up Peter Pan.”
Although the contract has been signed, the frequency of future posts is still a question mark. Only time will tell if this new contract will motivate brilliance or complacency.

The above was an article taken from the USA Today and was thought to be relevant to my readers. I will not deny or confirm the statements made by the article. I hope to put this alleged incident behind me and move forward as if it did or did not happen.

I’d like to take some time to tell you what I’ve really been diggin’ lately. My favorite part of every weekday is listening to the greatness that is The Dan Patrick Show. It’s so good, I can’t fathom how I ever lived without it. I’m having trouble even writing this because I am so intently listening to the podcast right meow.

I think the best thing about it, aside from its riveting interviews and tremendous sports insight, is the humor that is interweaved throughout the entire program. It’s the type of humor that is so subtle, you might think that Dan and the Danettes were serious if you weren’t a regular listener. The guys on the show call it tongue in cheek, which is a phrase I have always heard, but never cared enough to figure out what it meant. As it turns out, that is exactly the humor I get down with. It’s almost as if DP doesn’t want you to know for sure if he is joking even though he most certainly is, and yet he says it so seriously. I love it.

The show has also been on Direct TV channel 101 since the beginning of August. Sure, I know what you're thinking, how can radio show be on TV? The mothership has radio shows on TV (i.e. Mike and Mike in the Morning, The Herd with Colin Cowherd) and it's pretty much what you expect, guys sitting, talking into mics. What if I told you the DP show has a basketball hoop where they shoot jumpers during the break? What if I told you there is a golf simulator where DP plays Pebble on Fridays? If you haven't heard the term 'Man Cave' before, google it. There is actually a show called Man Caves hosted by former NFLer Tony Siragusa that built the studio for them. Watch this and tell me that you don't want this job. That shows the lighter side of the program but I recommend listening for the interviews if you're a sports fan. It's radio gold. I'll admit, I laugh out loud.

What's that? You don't know where you can hear this amazing radio program? Let me tell you all the ways to access the DP show aside from Direct TVs channel 101. You can subscribe to the free podcast from iTunes (commercial free). Go to his site and listen live, find your local affiliate radio station, or listen to individual segments from the show. It is also broadcast over Sirius XM radio.

Does this sound like a commercial yet? Hope so. DP, I can do what Seton does. I'd be on that show in a minute. My goal in life is to become a Danette. I know it's pretty lofty, but that's who I am. I aim big. Oh, another reason DP is awesome, he is down with the Oregon Rap Community.

En Fuego

Cowboy Friday

2009-10-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

Since I started work at my office, every week ends with Casual Friday. Basically that means I wear jeans and a polo to work instead of slacks and a button down. For most other people at the office here in Husker Nation, that means you wear Husker gear. As long as it is red and has some form of Husker logo on it, the shirt can be ratty with holes and stains. In fact, that is the preferred look. The appearance and quality of the shirt are irrelevant. I even wear a Husker shirt once in awhile. This is a story about how Casual Friday was reborn and it is AWESOME.

Wearing business casual to work doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t even get mad if they made me wear a tie. I like ties. Anyway, back in March, I was on a 3 week business trip in the wonderful city of Wichita, KS. I was with 2 other guys from my office, GLVJ and Meow. Sometime during that stint GLVJ got the itch to buy some cowboy gear. He was asking all the locals about which store was the best for said gear. His enthusiasm was always very contagious, and soon both Meow and I were on board to go full retard, er I mean full cowboy. You never go full retard. Ask Sean Penn.

There was somewhat of a plan involved with the cowboy gear. Oklahoma City, aka OK City, is only 2 hours away from Wichita. None of us had ever been there, AND the Big 12 Championship basketball game happened to be the next Saturday. Why wouldn’t we dress up like cowboys, go to a basketball game, and hit up every bar in Bricktown? It would’ve been stupid not to, really.

After work one day we hit up a little place called Sheplers. When I say little place I mean biggest country western store in America, maybe even the universe. You could get lost in this store, literally and figuratively. We did the latter. Now, I’m not sure why we were so excited, I mean, I was not (still am not) a big country western wearin’ feller and neither were GLVJ and Meow. I’d never even tried on a pair of cowboy boots before. That changed quickly. I may have tried on every pair of size 13 boots in the store. GLVJ and Meow were right there with me. Boots were strewn everywhere up and down the aisles. We made a mess in that place for 2+ hours before we finally settled on boots, hats, shirts, and belt-buckles. All in all the 3 of us dropped a grand in that place. Meow bought the sweetest boots in the store. No doubt in my mind. If only they would have had the same in my size. I would have Indian wrestled him for the rights.

We did have a little work to do Saturday morning, so we got on the road just after noon. We didn’t have a hotel reservation yet. We didn’t have tickets to the game yet. We didn’t know anything about OK City except where it was on the map. We did, however, have our cowboy gear, our cowboy mustaches, and a whole lot of enthusiasm.

Our plan on arrival was to find a hotel within walking distance of Bricktown, change into our sweet gear while pre-gaming, take some cowboy pictures, and find a scalper to really rip off. The Residence Inn by Marriott took care of our first need. I happen to be a Platinum Elite Marriott Rewards member which means I pretty much get the key to the city. If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Shortly after check-in we had accomplished nearly all of our tasks and hit the streets.

The game was just starting and we were about a mile or so away. We didn’t feel like walking. Especially since they had rickshaws! So there we were, three guys in one rickshaw driven by a 130 lb kid from Becida, MN (small world right?) when we approach a scalper. GLVJ handled this guy like he’d done it a thousand times. Scalper offered three tickets for $40 each. GLVJ countered with $40 total. Mind you, we are still all three sitting in the rickshaw on the street. GLVJ tells the rickshaw operator to start it up again. We begin to leave and the scalper stops us. This sequence happened 2-3 more times before the scalper gave in at the fabulous price of $40 for three tix. That’s just over $13 for a $55 face value ticket. That’ll do GLVJ, that’ll do.

From there we saw the game, had some BBQ, and hit up every bar that we could find, in search of any OK City cowboys. We were decked out in full cowboy gear. Turns out OK City isn’t exactly what we thought it was. There wasn’t another cowboy in sight for the entire night. We may have gone to every bar in Bricktown without seeing one of our kind. The preconceived notion we had that OK City was a rip-snortin’, wild-western, gun-slingin’, spur-wearin’ place was so wrong it was mind blowing. Of course it didn’t stop us from having a great time. We had one rule: no one else is aloud to touch your cowboy hat. That was tough to uphold because there were chicks grabbing for our hats all night long. GLVJ gave me the best line for when anyone asks to wear your hat. Look ‘em square in the eyes and say, "Only in the bedroom sweetheart." I used it on multiple occasions. It was tough to beat. Here are some other things that happened during our journey.

I guess we had another rule for the night. Anytime one of us said "Yup!" the other two guys would chime in with "Yup!" and "Yup!" in order, with a few seconds in between. It was funny to us and that’s all that matters. Don't judge me.

A heroic young man broke up a fight, saving a little guy from a serious beating. Somehow we got kicked out of the bar after that like we started it or something.

Meow told a lesbian he had pointier shoes than her. True story in two ways: it happened and he did.

Some chick ended up snagging GLVJ’s hat and he got it back from her by stepping on her toes with his boots. She didn’t like him very much after that.

We wandered in to a wedding reception, liked what we saw, stayed. We even made friends with the newlywed’s parents.

We met some people in the hotel elevator just when we thought the night was over (Meow’s night was over but he played hard). GLVJ and I went to their room for an after hours gathering. Those people we met just so happened to be former Chiefs RB Billy Jones and his entourage (how he still has an entourage is beyond me, google it). We were just a couple of cowboys, livin’ it up in OK City.

The Players

Meow, aka Sweetest Boots in the Store

GLVJ, aka Mexi-stache

Yeah those are handlebars, what of it?

When we told some of our coworkers this story, one of them told us he'd buy us lunch if we all came in wearing our full gear on Friday. Thus, Cowboy Friday was born, replacing Casual Friday forever here in our office. Shockingly, I am the only one in our office of 100 some employees that observes Cowboy Friday. I'm not sure why it hasn't caught on yet. Anyway I’d recommend checking out OK City if you have a chance. It's OK in my book. As it turns out the very last bar we went into was the cowboy hang out. We got in just in time for them to kick us out because it was closing. Live and learn.

PS Twins need to sweep the Royals and the White Sox need to take 2 of 3 from the Tigers. Let’s make it happen!

Sweet Up and Down

2009-09-25T10:29:00.013-05:00

The day has finally arrived. I am leaving shortly for Des Moines for a Dave Matthews Band concert. It is gonna be legendary. Not only is it the baddest band in the land rocking out for 3 solid hours, Robert Randolph and his Family Band are opening. I don't know about you peeps, but I think Big Show Bob is ridiculously good. He plays the Pedal Steel like no one you've EVER heard. It's a guarantee that he'll come out and play a song with DMB. The only question is which one. I love him on Bayou and Watchtower but I wouldn't mind seeing what he can add to Time Bomb off the Groo Grux King album. Timmy Reynolds and Bob could start some serious shit and I know I would dig it.

I hope Dave threw that hat in the fireplace immediately after this performance.

Yeah, Robert Randolph doesn't mess around.

If going to the concert isn't awesome enough, I am going to the Vikings 1st home game on Sunday. The Vikes are playing the 49ers and I am going with a 49er fan. On top of that we are playing each other in Fantasy Football this week. On top of that, I have Favre, AP AD, and Berrian on my team. On top of that, he has Franklin Gore on his team. That's like something right out of a storybook! It's a once in a lifetime happening and I'm going to enjoy it to the utmost. That also means I'm not working Monday, DOUBLE BONUS! Might even slide in a round of golf on Monday. I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time. Either way I literally cannot wait to see what hap

...and we'll see you tommorrow night!

2009-09-17T17:21:00.003-05:00

It’s the middle of September and the MLB regular season is coming to a close. As of today, the only division race that is semi-close is the AL Central with my Minnesota Twins trailing the Tigers by 4 games. There is still a very outside chance for the Rangers in the AL West as they have 7 games left with the division leading Angels and are 6 games back. The Rangers would have to pull off an impressive sweep in those 7 games, but I’ve seen crazier things happen. The NL wildcard is coming down the wire with the Rockies holding on to a 3.5 and 4.5 game lead on the Giants and Marlins. Neither the Giants nor Marlins have any games left with the Rockies so that makes it more difficult to catch them.

Let's talk about the AL Central, the worst division in baseball for yet another season. The race may be already over in some peoples minds, but I am a Twins fan, so I’m allowed to have hope. The Twins do have 7 games left with the AL Central leading Tigers. If the Twins can go 5-2 or better in those games, they may just win the division. It’s not like the Twins and Tigers weren’t in this same situation in 2006. The Twins won the last game of the season and watched on the big screens with a packed H.H.H. Metrodome crowd as the Tigers lost to the Royals, giving the Twins sole possession of 1st place for the first time during the ENTIRE SEASON on the last day of the season. That was fun. I liked that. I’d like to see it happen again. Let’s try and forget what happened in the ALDS versus Oakland. I’m still trying to.

I’m not sure how the Twins are still competing (other than that they play in the AL Central) but they are hanging on. It will be tough going forward after losing 2006 AL MVP Justin Morneau to a back injury. Despite only playing in 135 games, Morneau reached the 30 HR, 100 RBI mark and the Twins are going to miss his presence on the field and in the batters box.

That hurts me more than it hurts you, Justin.

The way things look, IF the Twins managed to win the division, they would play the Yankees in what I have dubbed “Home Run Hall”. Wait…that is stupid. How about “Yank Me Over the Fence Stadium”, or “Bomb Hitting Ballpark” or “We Employ a Bunch of Overpaid Bums So Let’s Put the Fences at 300 Feet So We Can Win By Hitting Long Pop Ups”. I think I like the last one the best.

The Twins have 3-23 record at Yankee Stadium (old and new) under Ron Gardenhire. I’m not even mad. That’s amazing. That record includes the 7 losses (including 3 consecutive walk-offs) against the Yankees this season. I’d say the Twins have a pretty good chance to go to the ALCS. Yeah, that’s right; I said the Twins are going to the ALCS. They just have to win the division first. Some may think I’m crazy. I’d like to call it thinking outside the box. Here are my reasons:

The Yankees have to choke sometime. It’s probably going to be in the ALDS (I guarantee A-Roid is going to).

The Twins have Joe Mauer.

It’s really tough for one team to beat another team 9 times in one season.

The Dome, in its last season, is going to be ROCKING for games 3 and 4 (if necessary).

The Dome turns on fans in the bottom of the ninth to help the Twins hit late homers.

I got a feeling (woooo hoooo), that this season’s gonna be a good World Series win, that this season’s gonna be a good World Series win, that this season’s gonna be a good, good World Series win. Mazel Tov.

That's some sound logic if you ask me. In all seriousness, I think the Cardinals are extremely tough right now and with Carpenter and Wainright as a 1, 2 punch in the NLDS, it would be nearly impossible not to see them playing LA or Philly in the NLCS. So I guess that settles it, Twins will be World Champions. No one can win any games at the Dome in the Series. It will be like ’87 all over again. Down go the Cards.

Let’s take a look inside the NFL, shall we? Obviously the Vikings are heavily favored to win the Super Bowl. I mean, Favre teamed up with AP AD and the returning top run defense in the NFL? Why don’t they just give us the trophy? Ok, I may be a little bias. You can’t deny that AP is a beast. If you don’t believe me, watch this about 20 times and get back to me. I also happen to love the Favre move. I don't care if he missed training camp. I don't care if he retired (twice). I don't care if some people think he dragged it out for attention. I do know that he is the Vikings best option at QB. The right handed Mike Vick can go walk into oncoming traffic for all I care. Not only is it a good move for the team to be competitive and sell tickets, it's a biiiiig middle finger to all those die hard Fudgepacker fans out there. I do have a jersey, it is purple, and it has a #4 on it. I have and am still seriously considering going to Lambeau on Nov 1. It would be absolute insanity to walk in there with a Favre jersey that isn't green and yellow. I dig it. I do think the Vikes will win the division and like every year since Gary Anderson became the Ray Finkle of the Vikings, they will probably lose in the first round. That’s just how they get down.

You are home Brett, you really are. Now throw Bernard Berrian the ball so I can win week 2 Fantasy Football.

It’s too early to tell who the non-obvious good teams are going to be and NFL injuries can kill any great team anyway so it's tough to make a good prediction. That being said I’ll pick the Vikings and the Pats/Steelers/Colts/Chargers. Does anyone care? I’m not sure I even care right now, especially about the AFC. Here's a poll question: Who are your World Series and Super Bowl teams as of the moment you read this post? Go.

Independence Day

2009-09-09T00:49:00.018-05:00

[Editor's note: This post is somewhat overdue and I apologize to my faithful readers. I hope not to have lost you as faithful readers. I love my faithful readers. Yeah, I'm gonna say it one more time. Faithful readers. In my defense, I've spent 3 weeks in FL, where I worked from 5 to 5, seven days a week. Then I had a week's vacation before I went out to Las Vegas for a week's worth of work. So I've been kind of busy. This blogging thing is a bigger time commitment than I originally thought. I don't know how Hammen pumps out posts like it's his job. He's like Superman or something. Check it out; the link is listed in the starting lineup on the right. Well without further ado, enjoy.]

The day begins with a good morning text from Addy D at 10:17 am, 'Big Guy?' I was asleep in some bedroom. It was really quite comfortable and like the previous morning (mostly every morning, mostly), I wasn't moving too swiftly. Three more texts in 10 minutes and we were rolling. Not before I did some major work in their bathroom though. A-thank-you.

I had no idea where we were relative to home base or where the Shorturican was. Addy kept trying to tell me it was like the morning in the movie The Hangover. I am reluctant to compare it to that for a few reasons, which I'll share right meow.

We weren't in Vegas.
I remembered everything that happened from the night before.
We weren't hungover.
There wasn't a tiger in the bathroom.
Ant had his cell with him thus it took us 48 minutes to find him rather than 48 hours.
He wasn't on the roof of the casino like the guy in the movie. Oops! Spoiler alert!

Luckily for me, Addy had been doing some detective work with his fire fingers and Anthony was taking a cab to meet us at a central location. We find Ant at a Dunkin Donuts sitting with a strange Asian man. Why was he sitting with a stranger? That's pretty much his standard operating procedure. We exchange war stories from the night's adventure, which brought up the interaction with Ant's morning cab driver. After some small talk, the cabbie asked Ant if he 'had intacoawse.' He proceeded to tell Ant that he 'would nevah have intacouwse anymore' because he was afraid of what could happen in today's world. Anthony refrained from responding to the cabbie's inquiry.

After a journey to the center (some excellent camera work at the 27 sec mark) of the earth for a subway ride, we arrived at the prestigious Harvard University. After a short history lesson, we found a place to get some food, not that exciting, but Ant grabbed an apple from the basket on the way out the door. That apple cost us later on in the day. Anthony didn't eat it. He simply carried it around. I don't know why. He's an odd character.

After we took the tour, we met the founder of the University, John Harvard, he told us that we should check out the football stadium. So that is exactly what we did.

We then found a bus route that would take us back to the apartment. At this point, it is hot out, it was afternoon, we are still wearing the same clothes from the day before, and we were tired. Did I mention that it was the 4th of July? Apparently that means the bus schedule isn't exactly accurate. After what seemed like an eternity, the right bus is rolling toward us from a distance. Obviously that was the best time to start throwing the uneaten apple Ant had been carrying around for the last 3 hours. So instead of flagging down the bus, we looked like 3 guys that were playing catch with an apple that just happened to be at the bus stop. Sometimes, I wonder how many times our mothers really dropped us on our heads as babies. After the bus blew by us we began walking. We ditched the apple and caught the next bus 30-45 minutes later.

I blame J. Harvard. What? You're too smart for that apple?

After a 20 minute bus ride we still have a 10 minute walk to our destination. During that walk a decision is made that we need to buy a football for the beach (the beach we never made it to that day). CVS Pharmacy had what had to be the worst football ever made for the bargain price of $9. A sound investment. Of course we bought it and played catch with it on the streets the rest of the way back. After some showers, a power nap, and a jam session, we camped out on the front lawn with 18 BL smoothies and went to work. The afternoon entertainment came by way of my cell phone which has a feature that reads text messages aloud. The voice sounds like a retarded robot lady. This became the funniest thing in the world for the next hour. Addy and Ant were sending me texts from 3 feet away so we could hear them aloud. Here are some of the good ones.

O m g o m g l o l ho ho koopa thats what she said. Lets go dare ren. Lets go dare ren. Dare ren cas pers. I love when girls put fingers in my butt hole.

Well after looking through them, the rest are too 'funny' to share. Of course by 'funny' I mean graphically inappropriate. Sorry to get your hopes up. Shortly after we killed the 18 pack, we began our journey to the public transit system with twinkles in our eyes while the burning pride of freedom swelled in our hearts. It was our nation's 233rd birthday and we would not go quietly in to the night. We would NOT vanish, without a fight. We were going to live on. We were going to survive. That night, we celebrated our Independence Day! We started our celebration with some apps and taps. Oysters, chicken strips, and Guinness. Good start. Down by the river, down by the banks of the River Charles, that's where you'll find the fireworks celebration. That was the plan. Sometimes plans change.

While walking down a winding Boston street, it comes to our attention, all at once, that there was a gathering on a rooftop across the street. Within 0.75 .......no, 0.63 seconds we all three had the same epiphany; we were getting on that rooftop for the fireworks. Anthony's first idea was probably the worst of the night. He yelled, "HEY!" multiple times at the top of his lungs trying to get the attention of a rooftop partygoer (see: mother dropping baby on head discussion above). Can't fault his enthusiasm though.

Addy and I had a better idea. We went to the buzzer, where he started mashing every button on the panel. Not 10 seconds after that, the door was unlocked. As we climb the stairs, still in shock that the door opened, we hit another potential road block. An apparent resident of the building (her name turned out to be Lexi) stops us in our tracks. Luckily, we happened to be 3 of the most handsome, charming, funny men in America and much less importantly, Lexi had had 1 too many (we found that out when she said "I'm wasted!"). We quickly passed her interview. I think it mostly had to do with us being from MN and absolutely nothing to do with her BA level. Mostly. She showed us a different set of stairs that were inside her apartment that led to the roof. I'm still baffled how that worked but Addy was convinced that the 'regular' stairs we started on, didn't go to the roof. A few more flights and we were basking in the glorious Boston air.

We got to the roof within 10 minutes of forming what I originally thought to be a shitty pipe dream. That's gotta be some kind of record. You know why it happened? Because good things happen to good guys. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention, unbeknownst to us, Maverick and Goose had requested a flyby and instead of the pattern being full (drum roll please).................................................it wasn't. We experienced a 4 jet flyby which, of course, made that moment a top ten moment in our lifetimes. Maybe top 4.

Unfortunately, the high we experienced would last for just a short time. I'm not sure what the reason was, but we didn't have any adult beverages in our possesion for consumption on the roof or a plan on how to leave the roof with any chance of getting back up. Maybe it was because we didn't really think that we'd be on the roof that easily. Maybe it was because we thought the beer was flowing like wine. Maybe we didn't think the plan through. Maybe somewhere in our subconscious we didn't want to enjoy any bevs on the roof. Maybe I should get to the point. Once we determined that there wasn't enough for all, a plan was formed to leave, purchase, and return. We were fairly confident that we could gain entry to the roof again by simply repeating the brilliant idea that was such a success our first go around. It was foolproof, right?

We made a quick run to the store a couple blocks away, not without stopping for a shot of Jameson along the way, and returned like conquering kings to the castle, ready for a night to remember. Our button mashing plan failed miserably. We waited there until another group came up to the door to enter the building. We dropped our buddy Lexi's name and we were in like Flynn. Nothing to stop us now. View? Good. Music? Good. Company? Good. Beverages? Goooooood. Here is a little pre-firework vid of our location. After watching it, I realize that you don't really need to read the last three paragraphs, but that's why I waited until now to link it. Very sneaky, I know. A couple highlights from the rooftop 4th of July bash:

We met with some actual Pittsburgh Pirates fans. That's some kind of dedication watching a team lose for 17 seasons.

Addy, while in a discussion with a young lad who had injured his fist earlier, took his first steps towards being a real world Occupational Therapist when he recommended, after the kid found out he was a hand therapist and asked his professional opinion, to soak the hand in ice water for 10-15 min.

We witnessed a hit and run on the street.

For some reason I recorded the entire fireworks show (around 15 min). I encourage you to watch the grand finale (it's only 1:41)

Of course we had a 'Let's go Darren!' chant.

The young lad with the injured hand came back with a bucket of ice water and showed Addy that he was following orders. I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

The party got busted by the cops. I think there were a lot of young people there. We moved the party to the street and finished the rest of our beverage supply.

The details start getting hazy from here on out. There are a few semi-good stories but really none worth telling except the following. Of course that is my opinion, but let's face it, it is my blog. Sometime during the night we had befriended the group that let us up to the roof after we made our B, double E, double R, U N. I had left Addy and Ant where the party had moved to, walking with my new friends. Not really sure where we were going, but I knew we were coming back sometime which was good enough at that point. For some reason I was walking around like I owned the place and had brought an open container on our street walk. Not the brightest idea, I know, but it allowed me to pull off what I thought to be an awesome feat. While walking, I saw a cop and immediately ditched my beverage. I don't know where we went from there but it was a few blocks away. We didn't return for some 30 minutes, but of course we returned the same way. Stop me if you see where this is going. Yes, I found my beverage that I left and yes, I finished it. On the way back it was like a light bulb went off in my head because I hadn't planned this little maneuver. Sometimes the best stuff happens unplanned (see: rooftop fireworks party). If you don't like my re-return for the drink, I don't like you. It was awesome.

Sometime between the end of the party and the cab ride home we encountered a full pizza on the street. We thought it a good idea to play with it. Ant has a video with some pretty amazing footage of me and the pizza. I didn't know he was recording. I'm going to post it on here if I can get it from him.

Just brush it off! There wasn't that much dirt on it.

'Look at my Italian hat!'

A short cab ride later, we returned to the apartment, made a feast, and destroyed it. Not sure where all the time went but somehow we ended up watching the sunrise. I know we passed the time with a jam session of epic proportions. There couldn't have been anyone else within a 50 block radius because I know that music was cranked up to 11 from the time we got back until shortly before sunrise. I know we explored the attic that I didn't even know existed. It was a heck of a celebration and we definitely made the most of the weekend. If I didn't have an experience to top that weekend again for the rest of my life (aside from important grown-up stuff), I would be totally fine. Not that I'm not gonna try. I'm just saying I had an awesome time.

THERE. HAS. GOT. TO. BE. A. WAY!

2009-07-15T00:35:00.040-05:00

I would have gotten this posted sooner but I spent the last weekend in Chi-town living the dream at Wrigley. But that's another post.

Let’s just jump right into Day 2, shall we? I am awoken somewhat suddenly to the sounds of someone tromping around the creaky wooden floors of Addy’s humble abode. I am not in the same place I fell asleep. In fact, I am confused as to where I am. I am in a bed, though I fell asleep on a living room couch. The clock on the nightstand contends that it is before 8 AM. If that is true, my body is still in pre-7 AM territory. I don’t remember feeling horrible at that moment but, add the time of day to the activities from last night, carry the 1, and it’s easy to see that I wasn’t ready to ride a merry-go-round. That said, I am not getting up unless the rightful owner of the bed comes and threatens to move me with brute force. Even then, I’d probably say, “Unless you have a crane in your back pocket, I don’t see moving me as a real option.” So, despite my unknown location, I go right back in to a deep slumber.

Somewhere around 10, I wake again. Now, for some reason I am feeling like a superstar. I get up, figure out where I am, and go check to see what’s the happity haps. My PICs were still dreaming of the catwalk girls. I prepare for a shower only to find Exhibit A (see previous post) as I enter the bathroom. More confusion. I immediately document my findings and begin searching for clues, but to no avail. After a refreshing shower, 3 ibuprofen, and some clean clothes, I decide it's time to wake up the boys. I don’t know about you, but I hate being woken up suddenly. I prefer the gradual approach and decide to implement that in to this morning. I retrieve a glass of ice water, a small plate, 6 ibuprofen, and my camera. The following video shows what happened next. Enjoy.

After a small jam session, we developed the theme song for the weekend. The last time I was in Boston, Addy and I took in the baddest band in the land at Fenway, where they covered The Talking Heads’ Burning Down the House. I haven’t gone a day without listening to it since Fenway, shooting it to my #1 favorite DMB cover (okay, I lied. It’s tied with Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer). Throughout the rest of the weekend, we hooligans would bust out lyrics at a moment's notice. THERE HAS GOT TO BE A WAY, BURNIN’ DOWN THE HOUSE! Singing any part of that song was like getting a B12 shot. Definitely a big contributor to our never ending enthusiasm. The song also plays a major role in two men sharing an intimate moment later in the day….but more on that in a bit.

My stomach was calling to me at this point. I felt like I was wasting away like Michael J. Fox at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. We hit the Heinz 57 bus down to Fenway all decked out in Minnesota Twins gear. As far as we were concerned, the Twins were in town, not the Mariners. Turns out our apparel would be somewhat of a conversation starter. We roll in to Cask and Flagon for some eats. Not long after we sat, we were approached by two different sets of MN residents, simply because of our gear. One girl came up and before she said two words, she pulls down the front of her jeans and shows us a Twins tattoo right by her hoo ha. I’m normally not a tattoo fan but when I saw that one, I got a semi.

Next up, a Fenway Park VIP tour. Ant had never been to Boston, let alone Fenway so needless to say, he was pretty excited. The tour guide began by asking what kind of fans were in the group. Instead of waiting for her to specifically ask for Twins fans, we took it upon ourselves to announce our presence with authority. The rest of the tour was just alright. It would have been great if we didn’t have to follow the tour guide around while she blabbed on and on about nothing in particular. Fenway Park is a gem because it is so small, intimate, and old. I preferred to tour it with my eyes, not my ears. There is so much to look at, that it became really annoying, having to sit through the guide's endless ramblings. I mean, the visiting Mariners were running routes in left field! We couldn't even go in to the Green Monstah seats because her 20 minute story carried over in to BP thus making it a life and death risk to venture on the wall. Weak sauce. Here are the other highlights of the tour:

Anthony yelling out ‘Yeah Smoltzy!! Yeah Smolty!!’ to get a wave from John Smoltz, as he walked back to the clubhouse from the bullpen. Maybe you had to be there.

The tattoo girl from lunch (that happened to be on the same tour) found us and got a picture with us. Anthony, not letting the opportunity slip away again, asked for a snapshot of the tattoo. His wish was granted.

We got shushed by an old lady during the worthless storytelling rants of the tour guide. Twice.

We had a random old guy take our picture. Instead of ‘Say Cheese!’ he said ‘Say Shit!’ That became our new pre-picture saying, probably for life.

Finally, at tour’s end, we nearly walked out with our FanFoto picture because we thought it was free. Once they told us it was $20, I took a picture of the picture with my camera, gave the FanFoto back and we left.

Look at how excited the Big Guy is to see Fenway.

With the conclusion of the tour, it was time to hit our favorite pre-game spot, The Baseball Tavern. A beauty of a bar with 4 levels, the fourth being the roof with a view of Fenway. Not long after arrival and shots of Jameson, we are chatting up the bartender (Lisa) with the best proposal of the night so far. We noticed the music playing on the bar stereo is being played from an i-Pod with a simple cord plugged in to the headphone jack. My phone doubles as an mp3 player AND it has DMB’s Fenway version of Burning Down the House. Of course the song had to be played for all to hear. Our determination to make it happen would be undeniable. We tried to make a deal with her but she wanted the following; a kiss between Ant and I. Not exactly what we had in mind, but being stubborn and desperate to hear the song over the bar speakers, there was no other option. It was the shortest peck in the history of straight man kisses. Addy tried to capture it on film but luckily he failed and caught only the bartenders’ reactions. Now was the moment we had been waiting for since the idea was hatched. I’d like to say that when I plugged the phone in and pressed play, glorious sound filled the room putting us in musical heaven. But I can’t say that. I can’t say it because it didn’t happen. Instead when the phone was plugged in, we heard silence with the crackling speakers echoing ‘Homo! Homo!’ Actually, Addy was chanting it. Don't worry, right after that, we hi-jacked the i-Pod and became bar DJs and TOTALLY redeemed ourselves.

Despite having my dreams crushed, I still managed to win a dollar from Lisa and some props from the crowd. After about a 5 second pour of peppermint schnapps missed its intended container and ended up covering the bar, my instincts kicked in and I went in for a fake lick of the bar. That led her to offering me a dollar if I actually did it. I would have done it for free, so naturally 3 seconds later I am cleaning up the spill like it was Exxon Valdez. After countless cheers and high-fives from the other patrons, I collected my dollar and was asked to be in several photos holding my spoils. Interesting the things that bring fame and fortune these days. Now that we were well prepared, to the Sox game we go.

We managed to slide in to our seats moments before the 1st pitch after dominating some steak tips and Italian sausage right outside the Fenway gate. The food was so good, we started pushing it harder than the vendors while eating it. The game did not disappoint. Lots of offense, homers, a famous song, one of the best Waves I have ever seen, all topped off with a home team comeback to bring us bonus baseball (which we watched from behind home plate). The only thing that could have made it better was a Sox win. Not that I am a fan of the Sox. I am a fan of walk offs. Short of a strikeout to complete a perfecto/no-no, walk offs are the best way to win ballgames (and I would have loved to hear Dirty Water again at Fenway).

Between pitches at the game, there were some other happenings that occurred. At some point during the game:

We came back to our seats after a beer/bathroom break to find people in them. We then became friends with them, and met them out, after the game.

Anthony called his mother.

There was a lengthy discussion with a Boston Globe employee about the internet's effect on the dying newspaper industry.

Anthony swore at the old lady behind us because he thought she asked him ‘What is the f***ing score?’ Turns out that's not what she said. When she got pissed at him for swearing he apologized.

We began another theme of the weekend.

Each of us took some heckling from various Sox fans about our Twins apparel.

Anthony found an interesting looking pole, and then got kicked out of the section when he commented on it next to a couple kids.

After the Sox game, we head over to the Cask to meet our new friends that tried to steal our seats. I know one reason we befriended them was because at least one guy was from MN. He also happened to look like Bill Murray circa 1980. While waiting in line to get in, we spot a guy that looks kind of like William Hung, wearing a White Sox hat. We let him have it with everything we had. We chanted ‘White Sux suck!’; ‘3rd place White Sux!’; ‘She bangs! She bangs!’; and we sang ‘Go Cubs gooooo!’ At first he tried to dish it right back at us and seemed legitimately pissed. He even dared us to be ‘Loudah, loudah, loudah!’ with a huuuuuuge Boston accent which made us crack up even more. When he realized he wasn’t winning the battle, he got over it and then it was cool.

The details of the night get more and more hazy from here on out. I know I got a picture with a guy wearing a Vlad Guerrero Expos jersey shirt and we got free drinks from another guy just because we had Twins gear on. In fact, 'Hi, we're from Minnesota' was pretty much a pick-up line that never failed on girls OR guys. We left the Cask for greener pastures following the Shorturican. Addy and I lost him on the way, when we met some people. Guess where they were from. The new crew made it in to another bar where we got mixed up with some Irish fellas and the next thing I know, I'm being kicked out of the bar, and whisked in to a cab without Addy. At this point, all three of us are separated and none of us know the whereabouts of the others. Really, I'm not even sure if I'm still in America. A 15 minute cab ride later, I arrive at an apartment and am given a fresh beer. That was enough to make me feel right at home. To my suprise, Addy arrives shortly with the rest of the crew and the Irish guys. We proceed to play tippy cup on the deck until the neighbors come out and yell at us. I don't know what their problem was. Who doesn't play drinking games on a deck at 3:30 AM? Losers. Shortly after that, the night ended with a serious pass out session.

I don't know who you are, but will you marry me?

Dolla dolla bill y'all!

Cinderlla story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters Champion.

Hey! It's the Big Guy(s)! Babaganoush Special

2009-07-08T18:57:00.009-05:00

I just came back from the greatest weekend of my young life. I still can't believe some of the things that transpired. It is the perfect example of what can be accomplished when you get 3 good friends together with unlimited enthusiasm and a love for getting out there and mixin' it up. So many ridiculously funny things happened that I had to make an outline for each day to help me get it all down. I am going to break it into 3 posts just to keep my 3 readers in suspense. It seems appropriate, but mostly it's necessary. Mostly. I doubt I can do the experiences any justice. No, I know I can't. That's how awesome it was. If these posts entertain you at all, then get out your TI-83 and multiply that entertainment level by a million. That is the level we maintained for longer than I thought possible. Now that I've really got you jacked up, like when hunting an effing human being, I'll try not to disappoint.

To understand the experiences, I need to give a short breakdown of the characters. Actually just 1 short breakdown and 1 tall one. All three of us came from the same place growing up which gives us endless amounts of inside jokes and stories that never get old. Every single one of those came out on this trip and we probably made a couple hundred more.

Anthony James (AKA The Big Guy, Shorturican, Ant): Easily the funniest guy I know. You hang with this guy, you'll be rolling non-stop. Never a dull moment as he rarely quits talking. We had a code word to be used in the event that he was rambling too much whilst conversing with strangers. Muzzle.

Addy D (AKA The Big Guy, Babaganoush): Not really my Boy in high school but, randomly ended up at the same college, became roommates, and he's been my Boy ever since. He's the Big Guy and I love the Big Guy.

The tale begins on Thursday. It was a beautiful day in Omaha and I had no issues getting to MSP for my short layover. I enjoyed a nice snoozerelli in my spacious first class seat. I dominated some Mac and Don's breakfast in the Twin Cities airport. Everything was peachy. Buuuuuuuut it wouldn't be right if I had no travel delays. Happens to me every time. I know what you're thinking, it happens to everyone, you aren't special, quit your complaining, blah blah blah. NO. You can't say anything to me until you've had your flight canceled, rescheduled for the next morning, spent a night in a hotel on your own dime, had your flight delayed 3 hours the next day, flew an hour 1 way to the land of Paul and Babe, waved a quick hello, and returned to where you just came from, all because of a pesky 5 mph tail wind. If that happens to you, then we can talk. ANYWAYS...Once I see my flight is delayed I immediately start sending expletive texts to Addy, expressing my love of airline travel. Turns out I may have slightly overreacted as it was only a 1.5 hour delay. Sorry I blew up.

Fast forward to a picture message received from Ant, featuring a pint of Guinness and the title 'It begins!' This leads me to thinking I need to get my game face on ASAP. Previously unknown to me, drinks in 1st class are free. Had I known this earlier, I may have been a puddle by the time I hit Logan International. After my first JD and DC, I tell the flight attendant that I don't want to see an empty glass on my tray table until I have to put it in an upright and locked position. She obliges. I partially forgive the airline for the delay. After I land, I catch some public transit vehicles to meet the Shorturican. We enjoy some McDonald's nuggets (purchased out of necessity to be allowed to use the bathroom as there are essentially zero public facilities anywhere) and then a monstah slice of pizza before going to meet Addy at his place of business.

Once off the train, we are immediately asked for spare change by a homeless guy sitting on some steps. Turns out it wasn't a homeless guy, it was Addy, waiting to pounce. After some platonic man love is exchanged, we go back to Addy's for a quick re-group and then head out for some beeahs. Now, although nothing of epic proportion happened (like a 4th of July rooftop party...foreshadow?) while at the bars, it was an awesome time. We started the 1st of many themes of the weekend, Jameson shots. We took down at least one at every bar we hit. It was sort of a gearing up for the weekend festivities. Ant spotted some 'good light' for some pictures, we had some nice convos with some locals, there were some dancing girls on a catwalk, and Ant video interviewed a guy doing coke on the street. There were shots of tequila, Jameson, Jag supplemented with BL smoothies and Guinness. Brilliant!

After close, we catch a cab back to Addy's but not without a little pit stop at the 7-11 for some late night health food. Ant was fighting the urge to call up the dinosaurs. We let him keep the cab driver company while purchasing a feast for the evening. Back at Addy's, after utter domination of the entire bag of chips whilst still in the cab, I turned the oven to burn and threw in the pie. Incidentally, burn was slightly warmer then what we needed but we welcomed the black crust with open mouths. Pizza, music, pass out on the couch. Successful day 1 in the books.*

*There was an event that was not witnessed, nor remembered by anyone but definitely took place sometime before morning on the 2nd day. The evidence is somewhat graphic but was well documented. Exhibit A (shown below): A note left on the toilet lid from Addy's roommate that read Whoever missed the toilet, there's some over by the shower too----->. Exhibits B and C (not shown): Photos of what the note was referring to. I'll leave the rest up to imagination.

Exhibit A

Oh check it out! That is some AWESOME light! Snap a couple photogs.

Shippin' up to Boston

2009-06-29T17:44:00.005-05:00

I am about to make a return to the banks of the River Charles. That dirty water is calling my name, beckoning me East. How can I refuse? Thursday I depart for Bean town, on my way to sights, sounds, beeahs, and cheeahs. I was there at the end of May (that is where I would have a link to a blog I wrote about that trip but since I didn't have a blog then, I'll reference my boy Shawn's post about the trip here) and I had an awesome time. I think everybody in the entire town knew that I had an AWESOME time. We will be attending a game at Fenway. It will be my 2nd game (2nd game at Fenway vs. the Mariners too) at the historic ball park which means until the game I've seen more concerts there then ballgames. The scouting report on 4th of July activities in Boston is pretty good, phenomenal actually. Plus my boy Addy (host of the weekend) has bunk beds. We are going to get so much more activities done. So there's that little story, now let's move on before I start quoting any more Will Ferrell.

This last weekend my roommate moved out of our apartment and into a brand spankin' new house. My massive muscles were of course needed in order to make the transition a smooth and enjoyable one. I was compensated with pizza and beer. I'd say it is some of the best tasting compensation I've received in my lifetime. Now my apartment has a lone recliner placed directly in front of the now non-HDTV. (Tangent: Only until one watches HDTV exclusively for an extended period does one realize that regular TV is not an option any longer. Same goes for DVR usage. I can't stand commercials anymore. I start watching baseball games 30 minutes after 1st pitch so I can fast forward through the commercials and still watch the end of the game right about when it's happening in real time. Needless to say an HDTV is next on the list of things to buy.) Now if I have anyone over, they are either going to sit on my lap or the floor. Hopefully the former. I could buy a couch, but I am putting that off until I move out of that shit hole in September. Breckenridge Apartments is not high on my list of 'Greatest Places to Live'. In a un-related story Breckenridge Apartments is very high on the 'Omaha's Most Overly Expensive Apartments with Very Little Square-footage and Terrible Tenant Satisfaction' list.

Here's a little interaction we had on Saturday while we were moving things into the U-Haul. A girl wanders in to our apartment and introduces herself. The dialogue is below. It doesn't factor in to why my apartment sucks. I just thought it was funny.

Random Girl: (enthusiastically) Hi!! I'm in a contest to see how many people I can meet. Can I meet you guys?
Me: (just as enthusiastic) Sure! Why not? I'm Dustin and this is Ryan.
Random Girl: I'm Holly. Are you guys moving out? That's too bad. How long have you lived here? Can I give you a high five? What's that scar on your shoulder from? Do you want to buy some magazines and help me get points that will win me a trip to Greece where I will learn another language and/or win lots of money?
Me: Yeah, let's do it. (Ryan turns her off and goes back to moving stuff)
Holly: Well here, take a look at which magazines you can subscribe to. (I begin looking) Where are you from? Minnesota? COOL! Why did you move here? Awesome! (Insert 20 more questions here that kept distracting me from what I was looking at.) So, how many subscriptions can I put you down for? Three, four, or five? And how many years? Two or three?
Me: Um, I was thinking only one, for one year. ESPN the Magazine.
Holly: Are you sure? I don't get as many points if you only do one. Okay then write down your name and address on this form. What's your last name? Oh that's a cool last name.
Me: Sure....
Holly: Well let's shake hands. (while shaking) There is a handling fee. Now I just need you to review this order form and write down your credit card information.
Me: $71 for a year?
Holly: Yeah you get weekly issues! It's only $1 an issue.
Me: I didn't think ESPN had weekly issues. I couldn't even read that many issues. I struggled reading it when I had the monthly issue subscription.
Holly: I'll come over and read it to you!
Me: That's okay. I think I just won't subscribe.
Holly: Okay let's just do one that is less expensive. How about Men's Fitness?
Me: Nah, I don't read that.
Holly: Okay well then let's donate a subscription. We can do a less expensive one and send it to a children's hospital. Which one do you want to do?
Me: What would a children's hospital need with Men's Fitness? They are all sick and probably can't read. I don't want to donate a subscription.
Holly: (realizing that I am not buying and looking at me like I just ran over her dog) Well what are you going to do then? C'mon, it's only $36. You said you wanted to help me go on my trip.
Me: That's alright. I think I'm going to pass.
Holly: (enthusiasm long gone, gathering her pad and pen) Well, thanks for wasting my time.
Me: You're welcome (she exits in silence and knocks on the next door 10 feet away....boom! right back into enthusiastic Holly).

Some may have turned her off right away, like my roommate did. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like to let them sell me. Sometimes I like to give them false hope before smashing their dreams. I'll let you decide which this was. I want to be sold. I want you to tell me why it is the sweetest magazine subscription ever and why I should give a crap about your trip. I may just agree that it is the best deal on earth. But for $71 a year that magazine better be able to tell the future. Incidentally, unless she forgot to mention that fact, it couldn't.

PS I went to something called Limestone Days in Weeping Water, NE this weekend and witnessed Donkey Polo. Here's my description of Polo: rich guys riding on horses playing croquet. Here's my description of Donkey Polo: anyone who wants to, riding on a donkey, getting bucked off while trying to hit a big bouncy ball between two buckets at either end of a 20 by 40 foot pen. The donkeys don't take direction well. There are actually big farmer guys in the pen pushing the donkeys so they actually kind of move in the right direction. Good stuff.

Omaha and me

2009-06-24T17:54:00.000-05:00

Well this is my first post on my first blog. It's a little weird. Who is going to read this? Only time will tell. Let me start off with a little background info on yours truly. I have just finished my 1st year in the working world as an engineer in Omaha. So far, it's been a crazy ride. I'm originally a Minnesota boy so I moved here knowing a grand total of 5 people. 3 of those 5 are my Uncle, cousin, and his wife. The other 2 are my roommate and his girlfriend, with whom I went to college. In just a short year's time, I've managed to spread my wings and meet all sorts of cool people, mostly through fellow co-workers. I feel like I've conquered the Omaha scene and feel a little more like a local. Let's break down the pros and cons of Omaha as I see them after a year's evaluation:

Pros
-I have a job that pays
-The winters are weak sauce compared to the Great White North
-I work with some good people
-I have climbed out of a moster credit card debt hole
-Husker games and CWS right in my backyard
-DMB played in my backyard also (that never would happen in B-town)
-The golf season is more than 1 month long

Cons
-My job isn't technically a Chemical Engineering job
-The summers are 1000% more humid compared to the Great White North
-No pro sports teams in the city (hello 4-5 hour drives to games, you seem familiar)
-No Twins baseball on TV (unless you spring for MLB extra innings on an impulse buy, oops?)
-No Wild hockey on TV
-My best friends don't live here
-8 hour drive to Bemidji or $400 flight that may circle Paul and Babe before going back to MSP.
-No real lakes or Star Island

Like anything in life, you have to take the good with the bad. So there it is. Just a single guy livin' the dream without a care in the world. Watch out Omaha, year 2 can only get better.